If I Can't Love Her
by Scribbles-Dementia
Summary: A Humorous Romantic Tragedy. With all the hopes and dreams he'd shattered, who would have thought that the girl to finally win the heart of the playboy of Hogwarts would literally be blind to all his charms?
1. Chapter 1

_A Humorous Romantic Tragedy. With all the hopes and dreams he'd shattered, who would have thought that the girl to finally win the heart of the playboy of Hogwarts would literally be blind to all his charms?_

**A/N:**** Hey all! Here's a little one-shot that hit me a while ago. Based off the thought that Sirius was seriously (no pun intended) determined to kill Peter in POA.**

**The title comes from a song from the Broadway version of 'Beauty and the Beast'. I thought it was sort of fitting for this story. Do try to take a listen if you guys have the time.**

**On a completely unrelated note: saw Star Trek (2009 movie) for the first time the other day. Is it just me or does Spock remind anyone else of Severus Snape? Ok, maybe it's just me…**

**EDIT:**** I've decided to divide this up into six chapters because, somewhere along the line, this story turned into a 35-page monster. I'm also posting this now because the next chapter of 'Twilight' will be a little later than usual and I feel I should give my readers something to read to tide them over.**

**DISCLAIMER:**** I do not own the world of Harry Potter (or Sirius Black). I don't even own any of the books. So please don't sue.**

* * *

If I Can't Love Her

* * *

The four teens laid about the lounge in various states of exhaustion. A small stack of cardboard boxes had been pushed into a corner, waiting to be unpacked. The smell of fresh paint hung heavy throughout the house and the fixtures gleamed with a sheen that betrayed their newness.

"Really, Padfoot. How on earth did you manage to accumulate so much junk in only seventeen years?" groaned Remus as he arched his back in an attempt to get the kink out of it.

"And did you have to choose such an obnoxiously large house?" complained James who had flopped upside down onto Sirius' new recliner.

Sirius let out a bark like laugh from his position on the floor in front of the fireplace.

"Don't even start, Prongs. Have you taken a look at your place recently?"

Peter laid spread eagle on the floorboards next to the brand new leather sofa, a look of pathetic worry on his face.

"I can't feel my arms," he squeaked.

"I wish I couldn't feel my arms," said James, frowning at the ceiling. "I think we deserve some sort of thank you, Pads."

"There's a bottle of Firewhiskey in one of those boxes," said Sirius in a lazy drawl, waving his arm in no particular direction. "That should shut you lot up."

"We sound like a bunch of eighty year olds," laughed Remus, whilst Peter scrambled towards the boxes with a greedy twinkle in his eyes. They heard him tear open three boxes before emitting a triumphant squawk. There came the clink of glass against glass before a bottle appeared under Remus' nose, the cap screwed open with a good portion of the amber liquid already consumed. Remus took a hearty swig before offering the bottle to the nearest Marauder, James. By the time the bottle reached Sirius, it was two-thirds empty.

"To Uncle Alphard!" toasted Sirius, sitting up on his elbows.

"Here, here!" echoed the others.

The usually rambunctious friends soon fell into a comfortable lethargic silence, allowing the liquor to wash away the soreness in their muscles from having lugged about heavy boxes and furniture all morning until Remus reminded them that they could now use their wands outside of school, all of them having turned seventeen earlier in the year. Sirius was experiencing a ridiculous sense of pride as he took in his new home. James did have a point about it being too large for just one person but it was the only house out of the hundreds he had looked at where he felt truly comfortable. He supposed it might have been due to its close proximity to the Potter family homestead, which was only twenty minutes away by broom, and its distance from number twelve Grimmauld Place.

Mrs. Potter had tried to talk Sirius out of getting his own place. She had insisted that he was more than welcome to stay with them even after he graduated from Hogwarts. But some part of him, the part of him that was truly a Black, felt too much pride to allow him to depend so much on the goodwill of his best friend's parents. No matter how much he loved the Potters, Sirius knew he needed his own space.

The other Marauders did not stay for much longer. Once Peter realised that Sirius had no intention of scrounging up food for three additional mouths, he bade them goodbye and headed off home, where his mother had promised him a dinner of steak and onions that night. Remus had some cousins who were supposed to be visiting that evening and James had his own packing to get done.

The Potters had been so ecstatic upon their only child being awarded the Head Boy badge that they had planned a vacation to Cancun to celebrate. James had been more excited to learn that the lovely Lily Evans had been appointed Head Girl and was looking forward to returning to Hogwarts more than the exotic vacation. Numerous 'head' girl jokes had ran through Sirius' mind when James first told him the news, but he kept them to himself, knowing that his friend probably wouldn't appreciate most of them.

"See you in September, Pads," said James, pausing at the front door. "And just because you've got your own swinging bachelor pad now doesn't mean that you can stop visiting, you got me?"

Sirius laughed.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Prongs. Besides, your mum makes the best rock cakes this side of England."

James grinned.

"I'll ask mum to send you a batch before we leave. Take care of yourself, Padfoot."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Honestly, Prongs. You make it sound as if I'd do something stupid as soon as your back is turned."

James cocked an eyebrow, a sarcastic smile on his face. Sirius smirked smugly in reply. And then he reached out to ruffle the already messy hair of his shorter best friend.

"Get on with you, Prongs. I'll see you on the train."

James jerked his head to dislodge Sirius' hand, laughing good naturedly as he did so. He punched Sirius lightly on the arm, nodded his head in the way boys all over the world did to wordlessly communicate their hellos and goodbyes and everything else in between, and then started off down the street. Sirius watched as James approached a corner and then disappeared. The boy smiled to himself. Most wizards Disapparated with a loud pop.

Finally alone, Sirius threw himself onto his sofa, his right leg draped carelessly yet somewhat elegantly over its back. He sighed loudly, revelling in the light, carefree feeling that pervaded his entire body. Everything was perfect. He was completely independent at last and had the entire summer to look forward to.

In fact, there was a park not too far away that he was keen on exploring.

* * *

It was a warm summer's day and a number of families had chosen to spend it outdoors. Couples walked by the man-made lake hand in hand, parents set up picnics under trees and near the playground where their children were running amok, and little boys and girls shrieked in delight as they chased a bear-like black dog around the park.

A pig-tailed blonde girl giggled as the dog dropped a drool-covered ball at her feet. Ignoring the slobber, the young girl picked up the ball, swung her arm back over her head, and threw it as far as her three year old muscles would allow her to.

"Fetch!" she cried, except she hadn't quite grasped the pronunciation yet, so the word came out sounding more like 'fedge'.

The large dog barked enthusiastically as he raced off after the ball, his tongue hanging from his mouth and his tail a blur. The children cheered the animal on, some of them bouncing on their feet, some clapping loudly, all of them screaming in excitement. They whooped even louder as his jaws clamped around the toy in mid-bounce and ran towards the canine, each of them eager to be the next one to throw the ball.

Sirius was thoroughly enjoying himself. The muggle children were unquenchable balls of energy and none of them appeared to be afraid of his size. One or two of them even had chocolate covered fingers that they were more than willing to share with him. There must have been a birthday celebration somewhere in the park too for more than one child had frosting down the front of their pinafore, overalls or t-shirt. Sirius happily licked the first child to reach him, a young boy with curly brown hair, leaving a wet trail all the way down his cheek. He willingly relinquished the ball to the boy and barked encouragingly as the toddler wound his arm for a long throw.

Unfortunately, the little boy never got the chance to throw the ball. A cry of 'ice cream' distracted the children who were soon echoing the cry. The boy dropped the well-chewed ball and raced off with the others leaving Sirius to nose the toy dejectedly as he barked to try to regain their attention. Realising that he wasn't about to win the battle against the lure of ice cream-y goodness, Sirius followed the children back to their various picnics hoping to be thrown a pasty or two. However, their parents were not as susceptible to his doggy charms and he was shooed away from every picnic he attempted to approach, some even shielding their children from him as they eyed his rather imposing stature warily.

Deciding he'd make more progress if he tried his luck elsewhere, Sirius barked one last friendly bark in goodbye to the children and trotted out of the park. He wandered aimlessly in a direction away from his house, stopping every now and then at the feet of a passer-by who looked friendly enough to scratch behind his ears or give his belly a rub. It was not long though before Sirius came upon a more populated area. Terrace and semi-detached houses gave way to chic looking boutiques and cosy little coffee shops. Sirius was just contemplating entering the butcher's to see if he would be able to weasel himself a bone when the fish and chips shop caught his eye.

Several foldable tables and chairs had been set up on the pavement outside the little corner shop and the tantalizing scent of frying fish teased Sirius' nose. It was, however, the teen seated at the table nearest to the shop's front door that drew his attention. Even from this distance, Sirius could make out the girl's light coloured eyes that contrasted sharply with her dark hair. It was times like this that Sirius wished dogs weren't colour blind for he found himself very curious to learn just what colour her eyes were. He had the feeling that it was a very pretty shade indeed. Her nose was probably a little too sharp, her eyes a little too big, and her jaw a little too angular to deem her a beauty, but she was definitely cute. She also had an oversized pair of headphones covering her ears and was completely oblivious to his presence. Beside her, leaning against the shop's front window, was a large odd-shaped case.

Sirius approached the muggle girl slowly, his heightened sense of smell picking up the still-hot fish and chips that laid wrapped in newspaper in front of her. He watched inquisitively as her feet tapped out a syncopated rhythm, the fingers of her right hand drumming against the tabletop in opposition. Her left hand reached out for a chip that she absentmindedly popped into her mouth. Sirius' tail thumped in amusement as the girl suddenly started, realising that she had burned her tongue. He observed her actions with growing merriment as the girl squirmed in her seat, holding her mouth open and fanning it with both hands in an attempt to cool the chip down faster. Eventually, she settled down, breathing a little bit heavier than she had been before. A slight frown marred her otherwise smooth forehead and when she next reached for a chip, she blew on it before biting down on it carefully.

Sirius was practically at the girl's feet now, yet she still seemed unaware of his presence. The boy disguised as a dog barked once in greeting and nuzzled the teen's jean covered leg before looking up at her hopefully. The girl jumped again at feeling his head bump against her leg, genuinely surprised, Sirius realised, at the sudden appearance of such a big dog. She turned her head in his direction, pushing her headphones off her ears and onto her neck. Sirius noted with interest the faraway look her eyes had, almost as if she were focusing on something beyond him. She then reached out to pat his head tentatively, letting her hand stray down his back after a while when she realised that he was quite tame.

"Hey there," she said gently, her voice still a little apprehensive as most people's would be if they were suddenly approached by a large animal. "Where did you come from, huh?"

The Marauder knew that the girl had already taken note of the fact that he had no collar on. But she had probably concluded that he was just a very friendly stray for he could feel her pats grow in confidence, as if she knew she had nothing to fear from him. Sirius nuzzled her leg again and turned on the puppy dog look. His eyes appeared to double in size, and, if it were physically possible, his lips seemed to form a slight pout as well. The girl leaned down to scratch behind both his ears. Sirius caught a whiff of her shampoo as her unruly wavy hair fell about her head, noting with pleasure that she smelt like vanilla. He barked again.

"What is it, boy? I take it you are a boy," she added distractedly as she stroked his ears. "I bet you're hungry. That's it isn't it?"

Sirius barked happily in reply, licking the back of her hand. The girl laughed. She reached for her food and seemed to fumble a bit with breaking off a piece of buttered fish. She then held the tasty treat in front of his nose.

"Here you go, boy."

Sirius nibbled the tempting morsel straight out of her hand and licked her fingers appreciatively. He watched as the girl smiled brightly, tousling his fur affectionately, before suddenly straightening with an annoyed look on her face.

"Aw bloody hell! My hands are probably covered with fur now," she muttered to herself. "That's actually…quite disgusting." She was no longer looking down at Sirius, though her eyes still appeared to be focused on something that was further away than it should be. She worried her lower lip between her teeth before finally turning back to the dog. "I don't suppose you'd want the rest of my fish and chips, would you?"

Sirius barked excitedly. The girl smiled. She transferred the oily newspaper from her table to the ground, her free hand trailing down the table leg. To balance herself, Sirius assumed. He fell on the food with a ravenous hunger that surprised even himself whilst the girl laughed at the sounds he made in appreciation of the meal.

"You like that, huh? Gosh, you sound like you haven't eaten for days. Poor thing."

Sirius had actually had a rather large breakfast that morning but if she thought he was some starving stray, he wasn't about to correct her. The Marauder continued to watch the girl out of the corner of his eyes though his head never lifted from the fried bit of heaven on yesterday's newspaper. She had gotten up off the chair, preparing to leave, Sirius thought. He noticed that she kept one hand on the table though, running it along the edge of the plastic piece of furniture until she reached the corner nearest to the shop's window. And then her fingers were sailing lightly over the glass. She stopped when they made contact with the large, hard case that was leaning against the window, fiddled with the straps that were attached to it, and then slung the odd-shaped case onto her back.

It occurred to Sirius that the case probably contained some sort of musical instrument. So the girl was a musician. How interesting. Sirius eyes followed her every movement as she tugged her sleeves down further over her hands and pulled the hem of her sweater lower over the top of her jeans. And then she reached out for something else that was lying on the table.

Sirius felt his eyes widen in disbelief as the teen assembled the foldable, thin cane with practiced ease. She bent down to scratch behind his ears one last time, her hands feeling around for a moment before finding his head, leaning heavily on her cane to counterbalance the awkward new weight on her back. She then straightened and turned back up the street. Sirius watched her with his jaw literally hanging open as she walked further and further away from him, her cane tapping out a steady beat in front of her. No wonder the girl had been so surprised the first time he nuzzled her. Sirius wondered how it could have taken him this long to piece the pieces together; the way her eyes never quite focused on him even when she was looking straight at him, the way her hands never really stopped moving. Merlin, did he feel stupid.

The girl with the pretty eyes couldn't see a damn thing out of them. She was blind.

* * *

**Hope you're enjoying it so far. This story's been my pet project for a fair while now so feedback would be very much appreciated.**

**- Scribbles**


	2. Chapter 2

_A Humorous Romantic Tragedy. With all the hopes and dreams he'd shattered, who would have thought that the girl to finally win the heart of the playboy of Hogwarts would literally be blind to all his charms?_

**A/N:**** Thanks to Larry1710 for reviewing and adding this story to your favourites list. To my 53 other silent readers, hope you're liking the story so far.**

**DISCLAIMER:**** I do not own the world of Harry Potter (or Sirius Black). They all belong to the very brilliant J. K. Rowling. I don't even own any of the books. So please don't sue.**

* * *

If I Can't Love Her

* * *

It was several days before Sirius made another foray into town in his Animagus form. He liked exploring his new neighbourhood as a dog. It allowed him the freedom to wander into places where he shouldn't really be in. People ignored a dog where they would usually be alarmed by the unexpected presence of a teenage boy.

The Marauder came across several factories and a promising looking tyre yard before he decided to head back to the centre of town. He encountered several familiar faces; a boy who had played with him that day in the park, a young married couple that had stopped to tickle his belly the last time he wandered out of the house as a dog, an old man who had waved his walking stick at him threateningly the other day. He passed the park, deciding to leave further exploration of that for another day. Though he did stop in at the butcher's this time round and was surprised to find that the muscular man behind the counter was not at all displease to find a scruffy stray in his shop. In fact the man very willingly parted with a bit of gammon and Sirius left the shop with a belly that was a little fuller than it had been when he had entered it.

Sirius would have trotted past the fish and chip corner shop too if a familiar dark head had not caught his eye. She was seated at the same table with the same oversized headphones covering her ears. She was wearing a skirt this time though with a rather flattering vest and shirt combination. Sirius hadn't really been looking out for her but now that he had seen her, his curiosity was getting the better of him.

He was on the other side of the street but made no move to cross it. Yet. Sirius noticed with amusement the way her head was bobbing ever so slightly to the music she was listening to. Her hands were moving too, as if she were imagining herself playing the instrument she was hearing. He could see her getting more and more worked up, building towards a crescendo, and wondered briefly if her movements would eventually get large enough to draw a crowd around her. He grinned a toothy grin.

Sirius couldn't remember the last time a girl had truly captured his attention. The females at Hogwarts had thrown themselves across his path so often that he had grown immune to all their little tricks. He probably would notice if one of them decided to run around naked with a large, flashing neon sign that proclaimed her love for him, but he doubted that she would hold his interest for long, no matter how many times she flaunted her body at him. Of course, there were the odd few that seemed to hate his guts, but those he ignored.

But this muggle was intriguing. He couldn't quite say what it was about her; maybe it was the fact that she was blind. He had never personally met a blind person before. Or maybe it was the fact that she had no idea who he really was. Sirius did not delude himself into thinking that it was because of any romantic attraction. He was not really a believer in love at first sight. The girl was just interesting in a way that made him want to know her a little better.

A matronly woman emerged from the fish and chip shop with a newspaper wrapped bundle in her hands. She placed a gentle hand on the girl's shoulder and placed the meal in front of her. That the girl was not surprised by the woman's intrusion of her personal space and no money seemed to change hands told Sirius that the teen was probably a regular at this shop. He couldn't blame her. The food was rather addictive.

Sirius watched as the girl unwrapped her lunch and then reached into her messenger bag that was on the chair beside her and withdraw a rather thick book. She turned to a page she had marked with a playing card, laid the book out on the left side of the table, and reached for a chip. Whilst she ate with her right hand, the fingers of her left hand danced swiftly over the pages of the book. Sirius had little doubts that the monstrous piece of literary work was composed entirely in Braille and wondered what it was exactly that she was reading. The girl had made a sizable dent in her meal and read five pages of her book before Sirius decided to make his way across the street. He barked once in greeting. The girl lifted her head and turned in the general direction of the bark, smiling amusedly.

"Hey there, boy," she said. "Back to for more free food?" Sirius barked his assent; tail wagging furiously when the girl tossed him an entire fish. "There you go, boy. I'm not feeling particularly hungry today anyways." She popped a chip into her mouth and chewed thoughtfully for a moment before addressing him again. "I would give you a belly rub but I don't want to get fur on my hands again. I kind of want to finish my chips this time."

Sirius barked as if to say it was okay and settled back on his haunches, having gobbled down the fish in just two bites. The girl tossed another chip into her mouth.

"I don't suppose you'd know much about the development of contemporary chamber music, would you, boy?" she asked hopefully, her left hand pausing briefly on the page of her thick book. She did not wait for a reply. "No, I don't suppose you would. You probably wouldn't appreciate it either. I bet music just sounds like random noise to you, doesn't it? Aw hell! I'm talking to a dog. You probably don't understand a word that's coming out of my mouth, do you, boy?"

Sirius cocked his head to the side and barked his laughter. The girl nodded as if she understood what his bark meant.

"Of course not. Silly me. It's just that I've got to write this essay over the summer, you see," she explained. "And there's just so much reading involved! Not that I don't like reading; don't get me wrong. But textbooks get rather boring after a while, you know?" A thought occurred to her then and she tipped her head to mirror Sirius', not that she was aware of this. "I don't suppose you'd agree to eat my homework?" she mused.

Sirius' eyes twinkled mischievously. He barked twice in an attempt to say that he was not at all adverse to the idea. But she misinterpreted him again.

"I know. I should just do the essay and get it over with. Easy for you to say," she complained. "You're a dog. You'll never understand how horrible homework over the holiday is. It's just…wrong. And cruel."

Sirius let out another series of barks, thoroughly enjoying the strange conversation he was having. It was almost like something he would have expected of James. It was fun. The girl had abandoned her book by now, though she was still absentmindedly consuming her chips, tossing one to the dog seated at her feet every now and then.

"I've been trying to figure out who you belong to, boy. I suppose you're some bold mongrel who grew up in the wilds of England somewhere." She giggled at the thought. "Mrs. Edgar has that annoying little Pomeranian who would insist on making a meal of my ankles, and I know Mary Jennings has a yappy Chihuahua. But I don't remember anyone else who owns a dog quite as large as you. Well, _I_ would if it weren't for the fact that dad's asthmatic. So mum says we can't have pets. Sad, isn't it?"

Sirius nodded his head rather vigorously and barked twice more. The girl reached down to ruffle the fur at the back of his neck, though Sirius noticed that she avoided using the hand she was eating with.

"Do you have a name, boy? I know you haven't got a collar. But you might have a name. Though since I don't know what it is, and it's not like you're going to be telling me it anytime soon, I should come up with something to call you. Unless you don't mind being called 'boy' all the time. I wish I knew what the colour of your fur was. That might give me some ideas of what to call you. Oh well. As it is, I suppose I'll call you Snuffles." She giggled again. "It's because you're so cute and cuddly, you see?"

No, Sirius didn't really see and dropped down on his belly in protest, plopping his head onto her shoes and emitting a sulky little whine. The girl cooed sympathetically.

"I suppose you want a much tougher, masculine name." Sirius lifted his head and barked his agreement. "Well tough luck, boy, because I do rather like the sound of Snuffles. You'll just have to get used to it." She ate another chip. "I was going to call you 'Squishy'…and you shall be mine, and you shall be my Squishy," she said distractedly. Sirius barked his confusion, peering at her quizzically. "But you didn't really seem like a 'Squishy'. That's more of a name for something small and you're not really very small."

Sirius shook his head, barking in amusement as slobber flew everywhere. The girl squealed in disgust as a large glob of drool struck her on the calf. She frowned and reprimanded him, though it sounded rather half-hearted and Sirius noticed how the corners of her lips seemed to curl upwards slightly. He pawed her leg in an attempt at an apology, spreading the drool more than cleaning it up.

"All right, all right," she said grudgingly. "You're forgiven." She reached out to ruffle his fur. "Bet all the girls just give in to you, huh, boy? Yeah I can tell."

Sirius barked in delight, tickled at how close she had come to the truth. He rolled onto his back, kicking up his hind legs and whimpering pitifully. She soon got the message and laughed as she bent lower to scratch at his tummy. Sirius allowed his head to flop from side to side, luxuriating in the utterly pleasant feel of having his belly rubbed. He had just reached the stage of near total relaxation, feeling his eyes starting to droop lazily, when a shrill ringing startled him. He scrambled to his feet, or rather paws, and searched around for the source of the annoying sound. The girl started at his sudden movement and then laughed as she realised what had happened.

"That's just my mobile."

Her hands found the strange ringing device with little trouble and Sirius guessed that she must have gotten into the habit of assigning all her things a particular place in her bag so that they would be easy to find. The 'mobile' ceased making the irritating sound when she flipped the top open and Sirius watched curiously as the girl then proceeded to have a one-sided conversation with the device, holding it up to her ear. It was not a long exchange and she was soon shutting the mobile and putting it away again. She looked down in his general direction with an exaggerated pout.

"I have to go, boy. But maybe I'll meet you again some time soon. I promise I'll save you a fish."

It took Sirius by surprise when she bent down to press her lips against his head affectionately, laughing as she scratched him under the chin. She had just barely missed his right eye, but Sirius didn't mind.

"You don't smell all that bad for a dog," she said, sounding pleasantly surprised by the fact.

And then she was slinging her oversized music case and messenger bag over her shoulders, straightening her skirt before she assembled her cane. Sirius watched as she walked away from him in the same direction she had the last time they met, holding her cane out to her side this time and dragging it along the very edge of the pavement. He noticed the scratchy sound it made and realised that that was how she was making sure she did not wander too close to the road.

Sirius tilted his head to the side thoughtfully. Yes, there was certainly something very intriguing about this muggle girl. For some reason, he liked watching her. Even if all she was doing was something as mundane as eating her chips. Sirius shook his head. He was starting to sound decidedly creepy. He lingered for just a little while longer until the girl became a dark blob in the distance. And then he turned around and trotted off home.

Tomorrow, he'd spend the day exploring that tyre yard.

* * *

"SIRIUS!"

A loud bang echoed through the house as the chair Sirius had been lounging in toppled backwards. The young wizard had been sitting with the chair tilted back on two legs with his feet propped up on the kitchen table when Peter's shout startled him. He laid on the floor of the kitchen for a moment, feeling the coolness of the tiles seep through his sweater, staring up at the whitewashed ceiling until a smiling Remus came into view.

"I suppose that's one way of getting your attention," he said, attempting to keep a straight face. Peter wasn't even bothering to hide his amusement.

"Moony tried calling you five times. And then he said I should give it a go. I've never seen you fall like that before. Did it hurt?"

Sirius groaned.

"Shut up, Wormtail."

It had been about three weeks since Sirius moved into his new home and this was the first day since then that he was missing his 'lunch date'. Somehow, the muggle girl had become a fixture in his daily schedule. Each morning, the young wizard would either venture into some unexplored area of the town in his Animagus form or scouted the rooftops of his neighbours on his broom under a Disillusionment Charm. But by lunchtime, he would once again go to meet the girl at her usual table in front of the corner shop. He told himself, at first, that it was only because of the free food but with each day that passed, Sirius found himself simply enjoying the girl's company. He liked hearing her talk.

She was there almost every day, except Saturdays, and she always had her overly large music case with her. She was usually alone, though several friends had joined her on occasion. The first two had been girls around her age who showered Sirius with affection and fried fish. But the last one had been a boy a few years older than her who had not seemed too happy with his presence, though he appeared to tolerate him for the girl's sake. Each conversation was very similar though, focusing mostly on music the entire time.

Sirius found that she liked the muggle composer called Bach, though Haydn came in a close second. He learned that the instrument in her odd-shaped case was called a 'cello', and that the boy and one of the girls played the 'piano' whilst the other girl played something called a 'viola'. He learned that she was currently working on a solo piece but was having some trouble with certain notes in the refrain, and that she actually preferred the song someone else called 'Bernadette' would be playing but agreed with a 'Mr. Morrison's' decision to give her something challenging to tackle instead.

There were other non-music related things that Sirius discovered about the girl as well. He learned that she had an older sister who was training to be a doctor and that they actually lived in London together during the school term. She was a fan of the muggle author called Laurie King and was an avid follower of the woman's 'Mary Russell' series, having developed a bit of a crush on the character named 'Sherlock Holmes', though she thought Mary and Holmes made the perfect couple. She also had a weakness for anything chocolate, as Sirius witnessed when the boy bribed her with a bar of it to play a duet with him in some concert that was going to take place at the end of the year. Sirius had the strangest urge to bite the muggle boy's ankle when this happened and it had taken great restraint to hold himself back. Fortunately, the girl reached down to scratch his ears not too long after the incident and he was soon much too happy to give his odd behaviour any more thought.

The most important thing Sirius learned about the girl though was her name – Emily Winslow. Emily Winslow who liked Bach and chocolate and was turning seventeen very soon.

"So what were you thinking about?" asked Peter, eyes shining curiously.

"What makes you think I was thinking about anything?" retorted Sirius as he got to his feet, righting his chair with a little more force than necessary.

"That's true," said Remus, a little too innocently. "You never really think of anything. In fact, your head's usually quite empty."

Sirius snatched an apple out of the fruit bowl on the kitchen table and chucked it at Remus, who laughed good-naturedly as the fruit narrowly missed his head. Peter, who had been standing behind Remus on the other hand, was not as lucky. Sirius smirked in self-satisfaction as Peter rubbed his head.

"It's not funny!" pouted Peter. "That really hurt, Padfoot."

"Do stop whinging, Wormtail," said Sirius as he flopped back onto his chair with a lazy carelessness.

"Can you blame him?" asked Remus as he pulled out a chair at the table facing Sirius. He reached out for another one of the apples in the fruit bowl, shined it on his sleeve, and took a large bite out of it. "That was rather violent of you, Pads."

"Buck up," said Sirius, shooting Peter an entirely unimpressed look. "What doesn't kill you and all that. It's character building."

"Of course it is," said Remus sarcastically.

Sirius ignored the other Marauder. Remus and Peter's visit was upsetting him more than he was willing to let on. Having lunch with Emily had become almost like a ritual and deviating from it was giving him withdrawal symptoms. Sirius wondered if Emily was missing him. Noticing that his attention was once again wandering, Remus changed the topic to one that he knew would definitely interest the grouchy wizard.

"By the way, your mum's being asking around for you."

The sudden stillness in Sirius' body told Remus that he now had his full attention. Sirius shifted his weight so that his chair was now steadily on all four legs. His eyes snapped to Remus'. The boy snorted. Peter shifted uncomfortably.

"I made my getaway when I saw her coming up the driveway," said Remus. "Mum really gave me an earful later. Accused me of abandoning her to a most hellish experience. Apparently your mum's not too happy about you setting up house."

"When's she ever happy about anything I do," muttered Sirius. "So I'm guessing she still doesn't know where I am?"

Remus opened his mouth to shoot Sirius another sarcastic comment when Peter started laughing nervously.

"Um…about that…" He faltered as both Sirius and Remus rounded on him, one with a look of suspicion on his face, the other with a look of resignation. "Mum let her in before I could stop her. She didn't really give her much of a choice really. Forced her way in, she did. I did try. Told her I hadn't seen you since the train. She wasn't too happy about that."

"Oh Wormtail," sighed Remus sympathetically.

"It's not my fault," the portly boy protested. "She – I really – it's not like – She's scary! Padfoot, really I…"

But Sirius wasn't listening. There was a knock at the front door. He got up and headed towards the front room. Peter shot Remus a flustered look to which the other boy could only shrug helplessly in reply.

"We probably should – " Remus began but Sirius ran back into the kitchen before he could finish his sentence.

"Moony, you're going to get your chance to make it up to your mum now," said Sirius as he hurried towards the back door. A look of horror spread across Remus' face.

"She's not…?" said Remus. "What in Merlin's name makes you think I'm going to take on that old dragon! No offence."

"None taken," said Sirius throwing open the door. "And you'd do it because you're a good friend?" He smiled roguishly and made his getaway before either Remus or Peter could stop him. Another indignantly loud knock echoed through the house. The remaining two Marauders shot each other a fearful look.

"Sorry, Wormtail," said Remus as he darted out of his chair, reaching the back door before Peter. "I owe you one!"

Peter whimpered as yet another knock sounded at the front door.

"Oh Merlin…"

* * *

**Some of you may or may not have noticed a quote in this chapter that does not fit in the timeline of when the Marauders were in school. However, I hope you will allow me a little bit of artistic license.**

**I always love to hear back from you, be it just to say you like the story or constructive criticism. Like I mentioned before, this story's been my pet for a while now so feedback would be very much appreciated.**

**For those who are also fans of 'The Covenant', the next chapter of my Tyler story, 'Twilight', is up.**

**- Scribbles**


	3. Chapter 3

_A Humorous Romantic Tragedy. With all the hopes and dreams he'd shattered, who would have thought that the girl to finally win the heart of the playboy of Hogwarts would literally be blind to all his charms?_

**A/N:**** Much thanks to Jessica for reviewing the last chapter. And to the hundred or so silent readers…I hope you're enjoying the story so far.**

**DISCLAIMER:**** I do not own the world of Harry Potter (or Sirius Black). I don't even own any of the books. So please don't sue.**

* * *

If I Can't Love Her

* * *

Sirius laughed to himself as he imagined the possible scenarios that were unfolding at his house. If it were possible for a dog to laugh that was. He had taken refuge in his Animagus form and he wasn't in the least bit ashamed of it. It was survival of the wiliest after all.

The town was unusually busy and it wasn't hard for Sirius to lose himself amidst the crowd. He thought he saw Remus duck into a bookstore at one point but the alluring aroma of sizzling sausages quickly distracted him. It appeared as if the entire town had flooded the streets for some sort of celebration. Sirius wondered if it was a muggle holiday he was unaware of.

Someone was speaking with his or her voice magnified, almost like they had used a Sonorus spell. Sirius followed his ears curiously. A man was standing atop a stage, holding a strange looking metal wand in front of his mouth. Sirius looked around at the muggles gathered around the stage, slightly alarmed. But no one seemed shocked at what the man was doing. He was making an announcement; something about a centennial, thanking everyone for being there, and that there would be a concert in the park that was starting soon.

The young wizard found himself caught up in the throng of people once more, following a little boy who was holding out a half melted ice towards him whilst his mother hurried them towards the park. There were already a number of families there; sitting on picnic blankets spread in front of a white gazebo. He plonked down on the one the little boy and his mother spread out, turning his puppy dog eyes up to the woman, feeling a pleasant sense of satisfaction when she smiled and did not shoo him away. She even reached out to scratch behind his ears.

There was another man standing on the steps of the gazebo. This one did not use the strange metal wand the other had but his voice carried just as clearly over the open space.

"Good afternoon everyone and thank you all for coming out here to help us celebrate our town's centennial!" An explosion of loud cheering and clapping followed this statement causing the man to laugh. Then he raised his hands in an attempt to quieten the crowd so he could continue. "This group of talented young people behind me have been practicing long and hard for this concert. What you'll be hearing this afternoon is a selection of classical and baroque pieces by Vivaldi, Handel, Hadyn and Bach. So I suppose I should shut up now and hand the stage over to them. Enjoy!"

Sirius caught sight of her then. Emily was dressed in an elegant black dress with her hair pulled back neatly. A large wooden instrument he assumed to be her cello balanced between her legs. Her left hand rested gently on the neck of the instrument whilst her right held a thin length of wood against the strings that ran down the cello. Sitting a few seats away from Emily was one of the girls he had seen her with outside the fish and chip shop. She had what looked to be a smaller version of a cello held at her shoulder with her chin resting on it. And then they started playing.

Maybe it was his imagination. Sirius couldn't be sure. But he could hear the voice of Emily's cello soar higher and louder over the other instruments. He watched, entranced, as she played, marvelling at how her fingers danced over the strings she couldn't even see. The music didn't just come from her instrument. The music came from her body. Her heart. Her soul. Sirius could see it in the way she moved and the way her eyes shined. For the first time since he'd realised she was blind, Emily looked like she could actually see. She was seeing something no one else could. And it was beautiful.

The applause once the last note faded was loud and enthusiastic. But the loudest clapping came from the blanket closest to the gazebo. It was the boy who played the piano and whose ankles Sirius had wanted to mince. There were two other boys his age sitting with him, though their applause seemed more polite than anything else.

Suppressing a growl, Sirius allowed the little boy to feed him the last of his ice, before he stalked towards where the other teens were. But before he could reach them, he was intercepted by a familiar voice.

"Jealousy doesn't become you, Pads."

Sirius' head whipped up to see Remus standing right by his side. He felt like hexing himself for not noticing his friend before but to be fair, he was suffering from a rather bad case of tunnel vision.

"Your eyes haven't moved from her since they started playing. And judging from the way _he's_ been staring, it wasn't too hard to piece the pieces together," explained Remus, answering Sirius' silent question.

Sirius huffed a very doggy huff.

"She is rather pretty."

Sirius growled warningly. Remus laughed.

"Don't worry, Pads. She's not my type."

The two friends settled themselves down on the grass as the next piece began, Remus watching in amusement as Sirius grudgingly allowed himself to be distracted from the unexplainable instinct to maul the muggle boy. It did not take long for the music to lull them into a peacefulness that both boys rarely felt unless they were with the other Marauders. And when the last song ended, neither wizard could help but wish that the muggle ensemble would play one more.

"Muggle music's not half bad," said Remus, leaning back on his elbows.

Sirius watched intently as Emily proceeded to pack away her cello after she and the others graciously accepted the applause from the other muggles. Her viola playing friend carried the cello's case to her whilst Emily felt for the spike that extended out from the bottom of her instrument and proceeded to unscrew the screw that kept it from collapsing. Together, the two girls carefully placed the large wooden instrument back into its case before coming down from the gazebo to mingle. Sirius sprung to his feet then, seeing the muggle boy getting up to make his way towards the girls.

"Moony! Padfoot!"

Heads turned in the direction of the shouts, some even chuckling in amusement as a short boy with rat-like features tore through the crowded park. Remus smiled indulgently. Sirius pawed the ground impatiently.

"You missed a rather brilliant concert, Wormtail."

Peter stared at his friend as if he had a Nargle on his head. But then he turned to look down at Sirius, tried to catch his breath, and had just begun speaking again when Remus caught sight of what – or rather who – had frazzled Peter so.

"Merlin's balls," the usually well-mannered wizard swore quietly. There was no time for Remus to try to hide, as he knew that he had already been seen. Mustering up his courage, he plastered an innocent smile on his face, and called out a greeting.

"Mrs. Black! Did you come for the concert too? Wonderful, wasn't it?"

The formidable woman scowled.

"Shut up, boy! Where's Sirius?"

Peter fidgeted nervously, his eyes flickering from Walburga Black, to Sirius, to Remus, and back to Sirius again. Remus, on the other hand, managed to hold Mrs. Black's smouldering glare without flinching, though he was having a hard time keeping his knees from shaking.

"Sirius? I haven't – "

"Don't lie to me!" snapped Mrs. Black. Her lips curled as she regarded her surroundings with distaste. "I know he's around here somewhere. The fat one already ratted him out."

Peter seemed to be equally torn between shame and panic. Remus, on the other hand, braved the wrath of the irate witch by being as obtuse as possible, offering stupid suggestions as to where Sirius may be found, whilst nudging the canine at his feet with the toe of his shoe in an attempt to convey to his fellow Marauder that he should make his escape while his mother was distracted. However, Sirius had other plans, seeming to deem the situation a perfect opportunity to get back at the woman who had never really been a mother to him. With a mischievous feral grin, the young Animagus nipped at Walburga Black's heels, his tail wagging gleefully. Peter was horrified, looking to Remus for direction, but the other wizard simply shrugged as if to say that they shouldn't interfere if Sirius had a death wish.

Mrs. Black cried out in anger as Sirius' teeth narrowly missed sinking into her ankle. It was almost comical the way the usually intimidating woman jumped from one foot to the other whilst attempting to kick at the large dog at the same time. In fact, they had drawn the attention of more than a few muggles.

"Call off your dog, boy!"

"Not mine," said Remus who had stopped trying to hide his amusement.

With a vicious snarl, Mrs. Black landed a well-aimed kick into Sirius' side. Yelping, Sirius was only momentarily deterred before he renewed his attack with even more vigour. He had just taken another swipe at his mother's heels when her foot struck his head hard enough to disorientate him. In this brief moment of respite, Mrs. Black reached for her wand. Seeing that the situation was getting out of hand, Remus made to step between mother and son but a loud, feminine, and surprising authoritative, voice stopped everyone in their tracks.

"What's going on here?"

Remus recognised the muggle as the girl that had captured Sirius' attention earlier. At some point in all the commotion, she and her friends had joined the circle of curious muggles that had gathered around them. She was leaning on the arm of the boy whom had been clapping enthusiastically throughout the concert. There was a fleeting moment of surprise when the young wizard realised that she was blind, but this quickly turned to intrigue at how she managed to capture the interest of the renowned playboy of Hogwarts.

"I think we should go, Em. I told you that mutt was dangerous," said the muggle boy in a voice that was not as soft as he thought it was. Remus smiled in amusement as the boy tried to put as much distance between Sirius and the girl as was possible with her refusing to be moved.

Mrs. Black had rounded on the girl called Em at the sound of her voice and her eyes now narrowed dangerously.

"Filthy muggle!" she hissed. "This is none of your business!"

"What did you call her?" said the boy defensively, stepping forward to put himself between the girl and Mrs. Black.

"How dare you – "

"Listen, lady – "

"Son of a – "

"You better – "

The crowd around them were starting to murmur agitatedly as the argument between Mrs. Black and the boy got more heated, some commenting on how rude young people were these days, some voicing their opinion that crazy old people shouldn't be allowed outdoors alone. Amidst all of this, Remus noticed that Sirius had somehow made his way to the girl's side. Her hand was resting atop his head, fingers entangled in his fur, a frown marring her forehead. Remus watched as one of her friends leaned over to whisper something in her ear, so softly that even his lupine hearing could not pick it up. Whatever was said caused the girl's frown to deepen momentarily before she nodded and turned back towards the gazebo with Sirius leading the way. Peter noticed this too and opened his mouth to make a comment but the sharp jab of Remus' elbow to his gut shut him up.

The two Marauders watched as the muggle girl collected her large instrument case and assembled her walking cane. With her left hand buried in his fur, the girl allowed Sirius to lead her out of the park. Deciding that it was time for them to make their getaway as well, Remus and Peter were just about to back into the crowd when Mrs. Black suddenly whipped out her wand, jabbing it under the muggle boy's chin.

"Mrs. Black!" yelled Remus who had enough sense to try to stop her from hurting the muggle. The boy, however, was laughing.

"What're you going to do? Poke me to death?" said the boy sarcastically.

"This is very, very bad," moaned Peter.

Dark eyes narrowed suspiciously as Mrs. Black took in the crowd around her, wand rounding on the two wizards instead.

"Where's the dog?" she spat.

"I thought you were looking for Sirius," laughed Peter nervously.

"Emily?" The muggle boy scanned the faces around him, brows furrowed in confusion. "Where'd she go?"

* * *

Sirius felt like purring. Instead he settled for wagging his tail at an alarming speed as he revelled in the feel of Emily's hand massaging his scalp. It seemed to be a subconscious action on her part. She was still frowning and didn't appear too happy that he had attacked his mother, even if Emily thought she was a "psychotic old hag".

"I don't blame Alex for calling you a dangerous mutt because you were behaving like one," she admonished. "Shame on you, Snuffles."

Sirius scrunched his nose at the ridiculous nickname Emily insisted on calling him. He tried barking pathetically in an attempt at an apology but even Emily could tell he was not entirely sincere about it.

"You're bloody incorrigible," said Emily, though the slight quirk of her lips belied her words.

They had reached a quieter part of town. Larger houses with fenced front gardens lined the street. Sirius could practically smell the money in the air. Emily had fallen silent and a frown had reappeared between her brows. Only the tapping of her cane and the clicking of his claws on the pavement could be heard. Yet every now and then she would tilt her head to the side, as if she was straining to hear some other sound that was bothering her. And the fact that she was on edge unnerved Sirius. It was on the third time Emily did this that Sirius' canine enhanced hearing picked up what sounded like a car backfiring in the distance, and then his nose detected a familiar scent. Before he could warn her, a flash of red light struck Emily in the back of the head and she collapsed in a senseless heap. Growling low in his throat, Sirius stood defensively over Emily's prone body as he transfigured back into his human form, wand at the ready to meet their attacker.

"Hello, Mother."

The look on Walburga Black's face was hard and unapologetic.

"Did you really think I wouldn't recognise my own son? No matter what form you were in?"

Sirius' shrug was almost careless but he never took his eyes off his mother.

"You will get your things and come home now!" Mrs. Black demanded.

Sirius snorted.

"Not bloody likely."

Mrs. Black snarled. Her eyes flickered to the unconscious form of Emily Winslow and she sneered.

"You would choose a muggle over your family?"

Sirius knew better than to look down at Emily. He remained silent and held his mother's glare. Angered at his refusal to answer her question, Mrs. Black levelled her wand at her son and cast the first spell that came to mind.

"_Incarcerous!_"

"_Protego!_"

The thick ropes that had appeared out of thin air fell harmlessly to the ground mere feet from Sirius and Emily and disappeared. Mrs. Black immediately cast a Body-Bind Curse but Sirius deflected this spell as well. The young wizard had enough sense to realise that if he were to allow the duel to escalate, they would soon draw the attention of the Ministry of Magic, or a muggle – which in turn would draw the attention of the Ministry. And Sirius was none too keen to face a bunch of idiots from the Magical Law Enforcement Squad. Just as his mother hurled a Cruciatus Curse in their direction – a mad, animalistic snarl twisting her features beyond recognition – Sirius dropped to his knees, scooped Emily into his arms and Apparated them to his home on the other side of town.

It was a rather ungraceful landing on Sirius' part as the unexpected weight of Emily's cello threw him off balance. Sprawled out on the floor of his lounge, it suddenly dawned on Sirius that this was the first time he was seeing Emily through eyes that weren't suffering from colour blindness. The girl's hair, which had undertones of red, had fallen out of its neat up-do, creating a dark halo around her head, and she had a peaches and cream complexion that had the faintest hint of a fading tan. Leaning over her, Sirius' wand hand trembled and his voice took on an almost reverent tone as he whispered the counter spell for the Stupefying Charm.

"_Rennervate_."

Sirius felt his breath catch in his throat. Staring up at him were the brightest pair of cerulean eyes he had ever seen. It was like looking up at the sky on a clear summer's day. Emily's pupils were unusually large and Sirius could tell from the way they were contracting and expanding sporadically that she was still disorientated. When they finally focused, it seemed to be on something just behind his forehead. She appeared confused, her teeth worrying at her lower lip. Sirius heard her take a deep breath, and then saw her body suddenly tense up as she sensed that she was not alone. He struggled to keep still as Emily tentatively lifted her hand and then quickly drew it back when her fingers encountered the bare skin of his arm. Her eyes grew even wider and she seemed to have forgotten how to breathe.

"Emily?" said Sirius, his voice barely above a whisper for fear he would scare her.

Unfortunately, despite this precaution, Emily still reacted violently to the sound of his voice. Bringing her knee up sharply, she barely missed crushing the family jewels. Still, the blow was hard enough to knock the wind out of him. Emily scurried to her hands and knees as Sirius fought to regain his breath, feeling her way around the lounge and towards the front door.

"Emily! Wait!" gasped Sirius, struggling to his feet. He managed to intercept her but this simply resulted in the girl struggling even harder, pounding her fists against his chest and kicking at his shins as she screamed at the top of her lungs. With the way she was carrying on, Sirius wouldn't be surprised if his neighbours called the police. "Emily! Let me explain!"

"Who are you? Where am I? How do you know my name?"

"My name is Sirius Black. You're in my house. And as for how I know your name…I have a very good explanation for that…which I will tell you…because it's all a simple misunderstanding really…you'll probably find it funny…will you quit moving!"

Sirius had not expected Emily to comply with his demand and therefore was slightly thrown when she did so. She was breathing hard and looked furious but she was no longer hitting him. He noticed how her exertions had caused her cheeks to flush a most becoming shade of pink and couldn't help but smile. She looked adorable.

"How do you know my name?" Emily repeated. She was staring straight ahead, at his chest, instead of in the direction of his voice like she usually did when Sirius was in Animagus form. It made Sirius realise just how tiny she was. His smile turned into a grin.

Sirius ran a hand through his hair and had to stifle a nervous laugh. It was obvious he had been spending too much time with James if he had started to pick up his best friend's habits. He ran several possible explanations through his head but each made him seem more of a deranged stalker than the last. With a resigned sigh, Sirius decided to settle for the truth and deal with the consequences later.

"I know your name because…I'm Snuffles."

Sirius braced himself for Emily's reaction. He thought she would say he was crazy; scream bloody murder; even laugh hysterically. But Emily simply continued to stare at his chest. And then she blinked, turned around, and felt her way over to the sofa.

"Emily?"

"I need to sit down," she breathed.

Seeing that she was about to collide into the glass coffee table, Sirius hurried to Emily's side and guided her to his leather sofa, gently lowering her down into it. He was no longer surprised that she allowed him to do so. Emily had not reacted like he had expected her to in regards to so many things. Why should this have been any different? Sirius made to move away from her, give her the space she seemed to need, but her hand on his arm stilled him, pulling him down beside her. Her mesmerising unseeing eyes flickered around the room, reflecting the conflicted thoughts running through her mind. When they finally settled again, it was clear that she had come to some sort of decision.

"When you lose one of your senses, your others tend to over compensate."

Sirius tried to hide his puzzlement. He was acutely aware of Emily's hand still resting on his arm and hardly dared breathe for fear she would remove it.

"I have perfect pitch. I can identify someone just by the sound of their footsteps and I can literally hear a pin drop, even in a noisy room. Of course, I have to concentrate a bit. I can smell fresh flowers in the hall. Peonies." The young wizard had a hard time keeping his surprise in check. Peter's mother had made him bring those along because she believed that one should always bring a gift when visiting someone else. "I recognised your scent when I first woke up. You smelt just like Snuffles. Not like how a dog owner would smell but _exactly_ like Snuffles."

There really wasn't anything Sirius could say to that.

"I know I didn't just faint. So…Snuffles aka Sirius Black…what happened?"

Sirius stared at her. Emily had turned her head towards him but as always her eyes weren't quite looking at him. She was so unbelievably calm. Most girls wouldn't be after waking up in the house of a stranger who claimed to be a dog. A Cheshire grin sprung to his lips, threatening to split his face into two. Emily Winslow was not most girls.

Throwing caution to the wind, Sirius decided to start at the very beginning, and proceeded to explain to Emily the existence of a hidden world of witchcraft and wizardry.

* * *

**And we come to the end of one phase of Sirius' and Emily's relationship. I hope you're loving this pairing as much as I am.**

**I'm in the middle of tech-ing for a big show and it'll probably take a while before I can write anything new. Which is why I'm posting this chapter before updating my Covenant story since this story is pretty much done.**

**Any feedback is welcomed and would be much appreciated. **

**- Scribbles**


	4. Chapter 4

_A Humorous Romantic Tragedy. With all the hopes and dreams he'd shattered, who would have thought that the girl to finally win the heart of the playboy of Hogwarts would literally be blind to all his charms?_

**A/N:**** All information regarding Diagon Alley, its shops and basically anything magical related was sourced from the HP lexicon. I like to do my research. Anything you don't recognise, I made up.**

**Thank you to SandNinja101, Galactic Cannibalism, YANIsweetness7 and The Pink Marauder for your reviews. I really appreciate them!**

**On another note, while I'm glad Emily seems to be growing on you guys and you're enjoying the story, I also have a very, VERY busy life outside of writing stories for fanfiction or otherwise and so updating can sometimes be very erratic. Whilst I don't mind, and completely understand, messages asking me to post the next chapter, please do so politely. Honestly, after a 12-hour school day where I'm pretty much constantly on my feet, with only 3 hours sleep the night before and several papers to complete, the last thing I want to see is a rude message in my inbox demanding I update. Thanks for understanding. End of rant! I'll shut up now.**

**DISCLAIMER:**** I do not own the world of Harry Potter (or Sirius Black). I don't even own any of the books. So please don't sue.

* * *

**

If I Can't Love Her

* * *

It was a slow day at the Leaky Cauldron. It was still early enough in the summer holidays that the pub and the alley beyond were close to deserted. Tiny and grubby-looking, the Leaky Cauldron was sandwiched between a bookstore on one side and a record store on the other. Sirius had always wondered if there was a Muggle-Repelling Charm on the pub, as they never seemed to be able to see it. The irony of the situation was not lost on him, as he led Emily through its doors.

The girl paused on its threshold, keeping a tight hold on Sirius' arm. She had her cane in the other hand but it was folded, as it tended to be these days. She wrinkled her nose.

"I feel like I just walked through a waterfall. Except I didn't get wet."

"Huh," said Sirius. "Guess that answers my question. It was probably some sort of charm to ward of muggles."

Emily frowned.

"I'll never get used to that word."

Sirius squeezed her hand reassuringly and smiled down at her. He found it hard to believe sometimes how easily Emily had accepted him for what he was. She had a few questions but never once had she ever asked him to prove his outrageous claim of being a teenage wizard. He had done that all on his own just to see her reaction when he levitated her off the ground. Emily had gasped at the sensation of her feet leaving the floor. And then she had started laughing. It was the sort of giddy, uninhibited laughter that told Sirius just how much fun she was having. It was how she reacted to all his displays of magic, like a child discovering Christmas for the first time – there was awe, there were smiles and there was always laughter. It made him…happy. But Emily never seemed to like the word 'muggle'. It was almost as if she considered it a derogatory term and Sirius couldn't understand why.

"Ah, Mr. Black," greeted Tom, the old innkeeper of the Leaky Cauldron. "Anything I can do for you and your friend today?"

"Who's that?" whispered Emily, her grip tightening around Sirius' arm though her eyes gleamed with excitement.

"Just old Tom," said Sirius, finding himself whispering back. "He's the innkeeper here."

"Describe him."

"Bald, toothless and very gloomy. A lot like the Cauldron really." And then in a louder voice so Tom could hear, "Not today Tom. I'm taking Emily here to Diagon Alley. She's never been before. We'll probably be back for supper later though."

Tom's gaze flickered to Emily but showed no trace of surprise or suspicion. He simply nodded and waved them towards the courtyard out back. The same could not be said for the small handful of patrons in the Leaky Cauldron that morning. A tiny witch perched at the bar eyed the pair curiously. But the open interest in her face and the neat little brown parcels around her feet told Sirius he really had nothing to worry about. She was most likely one of those dowdy country witches with an insatiable appetite for gossip. Two dwarves sat in a dark corner having a rather animated debate. Upon seeing Sirius and Emily arm in arm, their conversation took a decidedly salacious turn. Some of their 'helpful suggestions' were lewd enough to bring a blush to Sirius' cheeks. But what really worried the young wizard was the group of four or so witches who were glaring at Emily with open animosity. Sirius recognised two of the girls as third year Ravenclaws and when they leaned in to whisper fiercely to each other, the dark haired Marauder wrapped his arm around Emily's waist protectively. This immediately sparked another heated round of harsh whispering.

"Wow…I'm sensing a whole lot of hostility," said Emily, though she didn't appear too bothered about it. In fact, she seemed amused.

"Can you hear what they're saying?" asked Sirius.

"Bits and pieces. Something about a cow, a chainsaw and a bat curse."

Sirius growled.

"Down Snuffles," laughed Emily, using the nickname that she seemed to insist on calling him, saying that Sirius would always be that giant of a dog she met outside the fish and chip shop. "Let's not let a bunch of prissy fourteen year old slags ruin our day."

"Actually I think they're about thirteen," corrected Sirius. He was now painfully aware of the way his hand rested on Emily's hip. He could feel the heat of her body even through the cardigan she wore over her top and had to concentrate very hard on keeping his breathing even. Emily appeared clueless to his internal struggle. As a matter of fact, Emily had never displayed any discomfort at personal contact. Sirius supposed it came from her having to rely so heavily on her sense of touch everyday that, to her, it was as normal as breathing. He cleared his throat. "Come on. I can't wait to show you the Alley."

Emily barely contained her squeal of enthusiasm. She had been looking forward to visiting Diagon Alley ever since Sirius told her about it. Next to attending Hogwarts and riding a broom, spending a day in the famed wizarding shopping district was on her top ten list of things to do. Said list also included petting a unicorn and meeting the other Marauders.

"Make sure you describe _everything_ and don't leave _anything_ out!"

Sirius chuckled as he led her out the back door and into the brick walled courtyard behind the Leaky Cauldron. Following Emily's order to the letter, he gave her a running commentary on his every movement – from seeing the two rusty dustbins in a corner, one of them missing a lid, to tripping over a loose paving brick, to taking out his wand to tap at the right combination of bricks that revealed the entrance to Diagon Alley: three up, two across. Sirius described with near excruciating detail the way the bricks revolved around each other to form a small hole that eventually rearranged itself into an archway that opened onto a long, old fashioned, cobbled street.

Their first stop was at the Apothecary's. Emily's sensitive nose picked up the nauseas odour of bad eggs and rotten cabbage, which constantly seemed to hang about the shop, long before they neared its entrance. It took her a moment to regain control over her gag reflex, which prompted Sirius to suggest they skip that particular shop. But Emily was adamant on experiencing everything there was to experience in the Alley, both the good and the bad. Barrels of dried beetle eyes, dragon scales and adder tongues lined the shop front. Inside, feathers from a wide variety of birds, both magical and not, hung from the ceiling, along with a range of claws and fangs. Glass jars of varying sizes sat atop shelves that covered every wall, some containing colourful powders, others exotic herbs, and still others housing rare, preserved creatures.

Emily did not hesitate to immerse her hands in everything she could. Stepping right up to one of the wooden barrels, she buried her right hand in its contents. She gasped in wonder at the feel of the miniscule beetle eyes, marvelling at how smooth they felt against her skin. She cooed in amazement at the silky texture of a phoenix feather. She sneezed violently at the peppery scent of marjoram oil. She gagged and her eyes watered when she got too close to a barrel of pulverised toad entrails. The shopkeeper watched them with badly disguised curiosity. As they neared the counter behind which he was perched, the lanky man plastered an eager smile on his face and beamed at Sirius.

"How can I help you today, Mr. Black?"

"My, my," said Emily with a teasing grin, "aren't we just Mr. Popular?"

Sirius stiffened at this. Despite revealing the existence of a magical world to Emily, he had left out an important part in his story. He had yet to tell her of his family and their standing in wizarding society. Sirius wasn't sure why he didn't want her to know about the Black family's social status. She already knew, from their disastrous first meeting, what a horrid woman his mother was. Yet he liked the idea of Emily thinking of his family as a _normal_, horrid family. Not a rich, noble, horrid family. He knew that it was unlikely that Emily's opinion of him would change if she found out just how wealthy he was – she didn't even know or care what he looked like, for Merlin's sake! – but some small portion of him, some niggling part that voiced his worse fears, couldn't help but question 'what if'? Sirius wasn't sure he could deal with Emily suddenly becoming just like every other girl he knew, who were either too afraid to anger him for fear he and the Marauders would ruin their social lives or only wanted him for his looks and money.

"Sirius? Hey, are you okay?"

The young wizard started fiercely at the feel of Emily's hand on his wrist, her eyes gazing unseeingly just past his right ear. A concerned frown marred her smooth brow.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You're lying," said Emily without thinking. "Your heart rate's gone up."

A scowl crossed Sirius' face momentarily before he sighed. He both loved and hated the fact that it was hard to hide things from Emily. All she had to do was listen to his heartbeat to know if he was lying, stressed or agitated.

As if realising that she may have crossed some unspoken boundary, Emily snatched her hand back and mumbled an apology, bowing her head abashedly.

"Sorry. It's none of my business."

Sirius shook his head.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I'll…I'll tell you about it some other time."

Emily nodded hesitantly. Sirius couldn't help but note how fetching she looked when she was unsure of herself. He reached for her arm and looped it through his.

"Hey, I just know you'll love the next shop."

Quality Quidditch Supplies had managed to attract quite a crowd despite it being a quiet day in Diagon Alley. Pushing their way through a group of twelve year olds who had gathered around the broom display, Sirius guided Emily's hand towards the polished handle of a Nimbus 1700 racing broom. He barely suppressed a smirk when he felt her shiver, knowing just how badly the girl wanted to take the broom for a ride. He made a mental note to take her out on his broom before the end of the summer. Sirius then promptly grinned roguishly at the unintended double entendre in that thought and had to mentally slap himself for letting his mind go to the gutter.

Pulling Emily away from Quality Quidditch Supplies was a near Herculean task. She was very much like a kid in a toy store who wanted everything and Sirius had trouble getting her to leave the shop. It was exactly the same with their next stop, Flourish & Blotts, where Emily walked down aisle after aisle, running her hand along the spines of the books on the shelves, finding a simple sort of pleasure in the changing textures beneath her fingertips. While they were there, Sirius somehow stumbled across a collection of texts published by Obscurus Books aimed at the visually impaired witch or wizard and, of course, it was practically impossible to drag Emily away from the bookshop after that. It was only through the purchase of two rather thick volumes, despite Emily's vehement protests, that they were able to move on.

Sirius and Emily worked their way up one side of Diagon Alley and back down the other. She hummed in pleasure at the luxurious feel of Madam Malkin's pricier robes. She listened raptly, wide eyed, as Sirius described Gringotts and its goblin staff. She beamed dizzily when the witch in the Magical Menagerie allowed her to hold a Puffskein. She laughed uproariously while testing some of the stock Gambol & Japes had on sale. She even spent an entire awe-filled minute in Ollivander's, breathing in what she insisted was especially magical air, whilst old Mr. Ollivander silently studied the pair with his eerie, moon-like eyes. It was starting to get dark when they found themselves seated outside Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour, each enjoying a ridiculously large Knickerbocker glory.

"You've got a…a bit of a…here," Sirius laughed, reaching over to wipe off the dollop of double fudge chocolate ice cream that Emily had managed to get on her nose.

"Oh, thanks," grinned Emily. In fact, the girl hadn't stopped smiling in some form or other for the past five hours. Not even Sirius' refusal to let her visit Knockturn Alley, despite her insistence that there was a myriad of fascinating smells coming from it, could wipe the smile off her face. "I have to say, Sirius, this has to be one of the best surprises anyone has ever given me. I can't even begin to say thank you."

The young wizard glowed with pride. It had taken some conspiring on his part with Emily's older sister, Julia, to make sure that she would have no other plans for this day. He had even convinced her to cover for them if he should bring Emily home late. Julia had thought it was awfully romantic that he was stealing her little sister away for the day, believing him to be a secret admirer of Emily's from school. Sirius wasn't sure how he felt knowing that Julia was so ready to help a stranger practically kidnap Emily, but at that moment, he couldn't really complain. He had turned up at their doorstep that morning and promptly whisked Emily away with the promise of a tantalising surprise.

"I'm just glad you're enjoying yourself," said Sirius.

Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius spotted two girls from the year below him, one of them a Gryffindor, glaring daggers at Emily. He threw them the meanest look he could muster and smirked as they blushed at being caught staring before scampering away. He couldn't help but notice that he had been doing that more and more lately, ignoring or glaring at girls who eyed Emily unpleasantly. The old him would have welcomed the attention, though treat them with indifference, basking in the knowledge that they were jealous and vying for his attention. Sirius started to wonder just when he started to change before realising that he didn't really care.

"I would have to say 'enjoying' is an understatement," said Emily, spooning a generous helping of ice cream into her mouth. "You know, even though I've only known you for a month or so, you're probably one of the closest friends I have. Sometimes I feel like you know things about me that I don't even know myself. I'm glad I got to spend this day with you, Sirius."

For some reason he couldn't explain, Sirius felt like he had just been pushed off a ten-storey building the moment the word 'friend' left Emily's lips. He knew it was ridiculous for him to feel that way because they _were_ friends. Emily had never hinted at anything else so it was unreasonable for him to be upset. Yet he was, and Sirius wasn't sure he was ready to know exactly why.

"Sirius?" Emily's voice was suddenly very timid and the look of uncertainty on her face told him that he had been silent for quite a while. "I've gone and put my foot in it again, haven't I?"

Sirius shook his head to clear it. Reaching across the table for Emily's hand, he rubbed soothing circles over the back of her palm with his thumb as he forced his voice to sound as unaffected as possible, despite feeling like he'd just been hit with a Stunner, Confundus Charm and Jelly-Brain Jinx simultaneously.

"You worry too much, Em. I was just thinking."

"About what?" Emily asked softly.

"About…how much you'll absolutely love where I'm taking you next," said Sirius with only the faintest trace of his usual smirk.

Pale blue eyes met stormy grey and for a short second Sirius could almost swear that Emily was actually staring at him. But then she blinked, and smiled, and he knew that she had decided not to pursue the matter, despite knowing that he was lying once again.

"Oh really? And just where are you taking me?"

Nete, Mese & Hypate was a shop specialising in magical musical instruments. Situated next door to Eeylops Owl Emporium, it was a warmly lit shop that invited customers inside and inspired even the most unlikely witch or wizard to pick up an instrument. Its proprietor was a thin, little witch who tweeted like a bird and never seemed to stand still. She called out a cheery greeting as Sirius and Emily entered the shop, the door chime above them ringing out a light little tune that the young wizard recognised as a jingle, advertising for singing toads, that was quite popular a few years ago. The witch, who identified herself as Madam Hypate, one of three sisters who owned the shop, chirped in delight when she learned that Emily was a musician. Entirely disregarding the fact that the girl was blind, she dragged Emily through the store, shoving instrument after instrument into her hands, encouraging her to 'give them a go'. Miraculously, Emily managed to avoid colliding into anything.

The instruments were unlike anything Emily had ever handled before; the sounds they produced unlike anything she had ever heard. There were string instruments made from unicorn hair, wind instruments of graphorn horns, and percussion instruments constructed from dragon bone. Some were the size of a small shack with intricate pedals and levers; some were no bigger than a child's pinkie. Yet Emily played each like a maestro, with no fear of producing ugly notes because, to her, every single sound had a beauty of its own.

A soft smile took over Sirius' features as he watched her.

"Your girlfriend's very talented," said Madam Hypate, suddenly popping up beside Sirius. He started, not having noticed that the woman was no longer thrusting instruments into Emily's hands. He shot the girl a nervous glance but she appeared not to have heard what Madam Hypate had said, being still distracted by the tri-tiered string instrument she was currently plucking at. "So pretty too."

"She's not my girlfriend," said Sirius, his voice hitching.

"Oh," said the witch with a puzzled frown. "The way you were looking at her, I just thought…" And then a look of understanding came over her. Sirius didn't like the look.

"We're just friends," he said hurriedly. "Very good friends. Can't a bloke and a girl be just friends?"

"Of course they can. I happen to have a lot of very good male friends," said Madam Hypate, with a look of profound pity on her face. Sirius resisted the urge to slap his palm against his forehead. "By the way, I think your…friend's found her instrument."

Emily was now playing a classical sounding melody on the instrument. Sirius recognised it as being a variation of one of the pieces she had played during the concert in the park that fateful day she discovered his secret. Plucking and strumming the strings, Emily gave the swooping melody a sense of mysticism and romance that Sirius hadn't really noted the first time he heard it. He smiled.

"Yeah," said Sirius softly. "She does seem to be rather fond of the ones with strings on them."

"That particular tri-tiered lyre's handcrafted from a single log of yew, stringed with traditional catgut – dragon – Antipodean Opaleye to be exact. A very good choice."

Sirius smiled; his eyes still riveted on Emily. The girl may be a muggle, but there was no denying that there was something magical about the way she created music.

"We'll take it."

Half an hour later found them back at the Leaky Cauldron, seated at a table, with Emily still thanking Sirius profusely.

"This has been the best birthday present ever, Sirius," said Emily, grinning across the table at him. "Thank you."

The Marauder was grateful old Tom chose that moment to serve them their supper. The look of gratitude and open affection on Emily's face was enough to do his head in. Tom's interruption gave him a moment to recollect himself before he spoke.

"It's not everyday you turn seventeen. I wanted this to be a memorable occasion."

Emily's laughter was like a Siren's song and the dark haired wizard noticed more than one head in the pub turn towards their direction.

"Oh trust me, Sirius! I will never forget today." She leaned back in her seat and pushed up the sleeves of her cardigan to her elbows. Her unseeing eyes swept across the dark dining area of the Leaky Cauldron, a smile pulling at her lips. Sirius almost swore he could see her ears twitch with the effort of attempting to pick out the sources of the many sounds in the room. "The food smells divine. Is it any different from…you know…normal food?"

Sirius' bark of laughter attracted more attention than Emily's had.

"Why don't you try it and see?"

The meal was an enjoyable affair. Emily did most of the talking but Sirius didn't mind. He couldn't remember the last time he found anything a girl had to say very interesting but every word that poured forth from Emily's lips enraptured him, just like how everything about his world fascinated her.

"Sometimes I wonder if the only reason you spend any time with me at all is because I'm a wizard," he said jokingly after one of Emily's exuberant recounts of their morning. The statement had been made in jest but the girl's failure to deny it right away had the smile slipping from his face. "If I was…normal…if you had just met me on the streets…would we ever have become…friends?"

"Snuffles…I…" Emily put down the fork she had been holding. "I don't know. I…I like you. Not because you're a wizard. I liked you before I ever knew that."

"Yes, but I was a dog then."

Emily smiled.

"Yes, yes, you were. But what I'm trying to say is that I was attracted to your personality even as a dog. So…even if you were normal…even if we had met each other in the middle of the street, if you'd stalked me as much as you did when you were a dog, we probably would eventually have become friends."

"I did not stalk you!" protested Sirius.

"You keep telling yourself that," teased Emily.

"Yeah, well, you were attracted to me, huh?" retorted the young wizard.

"Honestly, Sirius! Is that all you got out of what I just said?" laughed Emily.

It was hard for Sirius to stay upset. Once Emily started laughing, he did too. And his laughter sparked a fresh round from her and so forth. They had drawn the attention of almost everyone in the Leaky Cauldron by this time but neither of them cared. They hardly even noticed when old Tom cleared the dishes and left them their dessert, caught up in simply enjoying each other's company. In fact, it wasn't until a shrill beeping sounded that they were made aware of their surroundings once more.

"What's that?" asked Sirius.

"It's my watch," said Emily as she pressed a tiny button on the side of the contraption strapped around her left wrist. A strange disembodied voice announced the time: twelve o'clock. She frowned. "It's midnight."

"I promised your sister I'd have you back home by now," said Sirius, his laughter now subdued. "I suppose we should get going."

"I don't think the trains are running anymore."

"No," agreed the Marauder. "I don't suppose they are. But I was thinking of Apparating back."

Cerulean blue eyes lit up in interest.

"Apparating? What's that?"

Sirius felt his insides twist into nervous knots as he reached for her hand.

"Come. I'll show you."

They settled their bill but instead of heading out the front door, Sirius led Emily back into the courtyard behind the pub. Carrying their day's purchases in one arm, he laced the fingers of his free hand through one of hers. He heard her gasp as the familiar feeling of Apparating washed over him. One moment they were in the walled courtyard of the Leaky Cauldron, the next they were standing outside the gates of a Victorian styled terrace house.

"I feel like I've just been squeezed through a rubber tube," muttered Emily weakly from beside him.

"Sorry," said Sirius sheepishly. "I should've warned you."

"Oh it's all right," reassured Emily. "Just unexpected that's all. Walk me to the door?"

She kept her hand in his as they walked up the gravel-strewn path to her front door. The house was dark except for a lone light in one of the rooms on the first floor. Instead of reaching for the doorbell or into her pocket, Emily kicked at the bricks that made up the front step until she came across one that was loose.

"I can never remember which it is," she explained as she proceeded to lift it up and retrieve the key hidden under the brick. She unlocked the door, paused with her hand on the handle, and then turned back to Sirius. "You can hand me the parcels. You don't have to carry them all the way inside."

"You sure?" asked Sirius. "I really don't mind."

Emily smiled and held her hands out.

"I know you don't."

Reluctantly, Sirius relinquished the parcels, shoving his hands in his pockets as Emily opened the door. She disappeared inside and for an awkward moment Sirius wondered if their night was over before she reappeared, sans brown paper wrapped packages and her folded cane.

"Sirius?" whispered Emily.

"Yeah, I'm still here," he replied in a voice just as quiet as hers.

"Could you do me one more favour?" Emily pulled on the hem of her sleeves as Sirius waited for her to continue. "I want to see you."

She reached for him before he could ask what she meant, her fingers finding his chest first. Slowly, lightly, she traced her way up towards his neck, along his jaw and over his cheeks. He kept still, afraid that any movement on his part would cause her to stop. It was almost surreal. She took her time, fingertips gliding over the contours of his face, dipping into the hollow of his ear, thumbs outlining the edges of his lips. There was not one part of his face she did not touch and when she finally pulled away, she was smiling.

"Thank you, Sirius."

"Uh…um…sure…" murmured Sirius.

Her eyes met his briefly and once again, the young wizard was almost certain she could actually see him, despite knowing otherwise. She took a step towards him, placed a hand on his chest, raised herself to her toes, and brought her face closer to his. Her lips found the edge of his jaw instead of his cheek but Sirius wasn't complaining.

"Good night, Snuffles."

Sirius' reply was hoarse and strained.

"Good night."

By the time he'd regained full control of his senses, Emily had already pulled away and entered the house, shutting the door behind her.

"Happy birthday, Emily."

* * *

**This chapter and the next were originally one, but I've decided to split them up as together it would have been ridiculously long. So altogether, this story will have 7 chapters now instead of six. We're moving on to another phase of Emily and Sirius' relationship now and I hope you guys like it as much as I do.**

**Next chapter of 'Twilight' should hopefully be up by the end of the week.**

**Any and all feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Flames will be used to toast the bag of marshmallows I have in the kitchen.**

**- Scribbles**


	5. Chapter 5

_A Humorous Romantic Tragedy. With all the hopes and dreams he'd shattered, who would have thought that the girl to finally win the heart of the playboy of Hogwarts would literally be blind to all his charms?_

**A/N:**** So here's an update on what's been going on. If you've read my profile, you would've seen that my laptop recently died on me. Lost EVERYTHING on it. The only reason I have motivation to continue this is because: (1) Like I've said, this story has been my little pet for quite a while and (2) I had part of this saved on a USB.**

**Most of this chapter has been rewritten. Pretty much only 1/7 of it is what it originally was. Hope you guys like it anyway.**

**On another note, though my old stories (ie. 'Twilight') has been put on hold, inspiration recently struck me to write something else. So if any of you guys are fans of the Joker from Batman (or rather Heath Ledger's version of the Joker) please pop over to my other story, 'Sic Transit Gloria Mundi'. I promise you won't be disappointed.**

**DISCLAIMER:**** I do not own the world of Harry Potter (or Sirius Black). I don't even own any of the books. So please don't sue.

* * *

**

If I Can't Love Her

* * *

The first of September found King's Cross Station to be very busy. The platforms were filled with numerous children of school age – some in the traditional black tailcoat and waistcoat with pinstriped trousers and white tie that marked them as students of Eton College, others in the Charterhouse School navy blue blazer with gold buttons on the sleeves. But on a platform hidden from prying eyes, students of a different sort were gathered to board a train pulled by a steam locomotive of a dazzling scarlet colour.

"Pads! _Pads!_ Over here!"

Sirius' grin threatened to split his face in two as he caught sight of his best friend waving at him from further down the platform. Remus was already standing beside James, making polite conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Potter no doubt.

"Padfoot, you arse! I didn't get one letter from you all summer!" accused the shorter boy as Sirius drew closer.

"James!" admonished Mrs. Potter, whilst her husband gave their son a light smack on the back of his head. "Language!"

"Sorry, mum," muttered James as he rubbed his head. He turned back to Sirius, "How have you been, mate?"

"Oh, you know," said the boy with a careless shrug. "It's been an interesting summer. Hello, Mr. and Mrs. P."

"Good morning, Sirius," said Mr. Potter, returning the greeting with a firm handshake. "How does it feel to be master of your own place now?"

"Pretty bloody brilliant," replied Sirius with his bark-like laugh.

"I just bet," said James with a sly grin. "Moony told me all about your mum's visit."

If James had been hoping for a reaction, he would've been sorely disappointed.

"Ah, good ole Mum. Things are never boring with her around."

"I'm going to find us an empty compartment," said Remus making his getaway before anyone could stop him, shrewdly guessing where James was going with his seemingly innocuous statements.

"So who is she, Pads?" asked James bluntly.

"No one you know," said Sirius just as forthrightly. "How was Cancun, Mrs. P?"

"It was lovely, Sirius. How nice of you to ask," said the older woman with a pleasant smile. She and her husband were a rather mellow couple, a stark contrast to their only child.

"I'll tell you all about it later," said James agitatedly. "Come on, Pads! No use trying to deny it since Wormtail told me already. So, who is she?"

"Wormtail," muttered Sirius, none too surprised. "I suppose I should have expected it."

"Now, now, James," said his mother with a calming hand on his shoulder. "If Sirius doesn't want to talk about it, you should respect that."

Sirius attempted to hold in his snort of laughter as James tried not to look mortified as his mother gently chided him, his father good-naturedly ruffling his hair. With each word that spilt forth from her mouth, Mrs. Potter was getting decidedly more and more embarrassing. In fact, James was quickly turning a shade of red that almost rivalled Lily Evans' renowned locks.

"And dear, I wish you'd let me give you a haircut. Just a little trim," said Mrs. Potter wistfully.

"Mum!" James whined. Fortunately, he was saved by the shrill whistle of the Hogwarts Express, signalling that it was about to depart. "Gotta go, mum!"

"Don't forget to owl us once you get settled in, dear!" called Mrs. Potter as James leaped into the already moving train, Sirius close behind.

"Yes, mum!" James yelled back, leaning precariously out of the train.

Sirius was grateful for the distraction James' parents had provided. Now that the other boy was on the train, the excitement of meeting Evans overrode his curiosity over Sirius' mystery girl. With a hurried goodbye and the promise to catch up with the others after the compulsory meeting he had to attend with the Hogwarts prefects, James headed off towards the head of the train, practically skipping with a silly grin across his face. Sirius briefly wondered if he'd ever worn the same expression when he was in Emily's company.

The young wizard had talked her into Flooing with him to the Leaky Cauldron that morning instead of taking the train into London. It had been a bit tricky fitting her cello case into the fireplace at first until Sirius suggested a Shrinking Charm, which had thrilled the girl to no end. She was just about to try playing the mini-cello when he reminded her that he needed to catch a train. The lovely pink she'd blushed at his reminder had made him feel like thirty leprechauns were suddenly doing a jig in his belly. Not that he'd ever tell anyone that.

And then, just as he bade her farewell at the entrance to King's Cross, Emily had reached up to give him a rather spontaneous hug, one in which her cane almost took out his right eye but he didn't mind. Her older sister, Julia, had been _very_ pleased to meet him again, sending him conspiratorial looks every now and again as Emily made him promise to write to her. At least he knew he had one supporter in that area.

The journey back to Hogwarts passed in a blur for Sirius. He had no trouble locating Remus and Peter, though he had to fend off several of his more persistent admirers, who had angrily demanded he tell them if the rumours circulating were true and he _was_ dating a girl, in the process. James had rejoined them a few hours later, beaming like an idiot. Apparently Evans was 'warming up' to him.

In fact, in between juggling his new duties as Head Boy and doing his best to prove to Evans that he was no longer an immature prick, it wasn't until their third day back that James broached the subject of Sirius' mystery girl again. Of course, Sirius was partly to blame for this, unintentional as his actions were.

"That's the fifth time you've checked for the owls, Pads. Are you expecting something?" asked James that morning as he shovelled more bacon into his mouth.

Both Peter and Remus suddenly became very interested in their food, knowing that James would soon piece two and two together. It was as the boy was devouring his third forkful of bacon that it happened; his eyes took on a mischievous and triumphant glint, his jaw hanging open and his bacon forgotten.

"You might want to swallow before you choke on that, Prongs," said Sirius dryly. "And Evans' looking this way."

Swallowing quickly enough to bring on a coughing fit, whilst simultaneously running a hand through his hair, James rounded on his friend, pointing at him accusingly. It may have been intimidating if it weren't so ridiculous.

"It's _her_, isn't it?" the shorter boy accused. "Now really, Padfoot! I'm your best friend! You're supposed to tell me these things. I told you about Lily – "

"You won't stop telling me about Evans."

" – and I think it's only fair that you tell me about her. Come on! Even Peter knows more than I do!"

"That's only because he happened to be there."

"Well it's not my fault I was in Cancun! Pads!"

"Now you sound like a girl."

The fluttering of wings drowned out James' retort as that morning's mail arrived. Sirius scanned the incoming birds, quickly spotting a large Eagle Owl carrying a slim vanilla coloured envelope. As it swooped down towards the dark-haired wizard, dropping its load in favour of James' forgotten bacon slices, it was only a testament to the younger boy's Quidditch skills that he managed to snatch the envelope out of the air before Sirius could.

"Prongs," growled Sirius threateningly.

Usually James would not have taken his best friend's threat to heart, but there was a dangerously spark in the other boy's eyes that he had never seen before. The grin he'd been wearing slipped off his face as he regarded Sirius cautiously. Seeming to come to a decision, James held the letter out to Sirius with a thoughtful expression.

"You owe me an explanation, Padfoot."

"Later," said Sirius simply.

Across the table, Remus and Peter watched the exchange warily, both ready to leap out of the way if spells, or worse, food, should start flying in different directions. When James and Sirius came to their grim agreement, both boys released the breath they had not realised they were holding and decidedly that now was a good a time as any to head to their first class.

Emily's first letter was a teasing puzzle, but one Sirius could appreciate. The envelope and the two sheets it contained were not made of parchment but something thinner. Though that wasn't what was peculiar about it. Covering the two sheets were a series of raised dots that Sirius recognised as Braille and attached to the first was a sticky yellow note that simply read: "Good luck", with a little smiley face at the end.

It took him two days to decipher it, but it was worth it.

* * *

_Hey Sirius!_

_An owl? Really? You should be glad Julia's such a good sport. Though she did scream loud enough to bring our landlord running. Do you know how hard it is to hide an owl? She's the one who wrote the post-it in case you were wondering. Thought she deserved that at least. Oh yes, and she wants me to tell you she says 'hi'. I swear, it's almost as if she's more excited about you writing than I am!_

_Ah…Lily and James...So when are they sending out the wedding invitations? Because you know it's going to happen sooner or later. Is it strange that I already feel like I've known them all my life? Remus and Peter too. How are they by the way?_

_After everything that's happened this summer, school's not really all that exciting. I'm focusing a lot more on composition this term and experimenting a bit with 'unconventional' sounds. Do you know what musique concrète is? It's pretty much recording raw sounds, like tyres screeching or water dripping, and looping and distorting it to make music. The most famous piece of musique concrète would probably have to be the Dr. Who theme music. Oh! Dr. Who! I have to make you watch it one of these days. It's a TV show. I promise you'll love it. I think I may write my thesis on it, musique concrète that is, not Dr. Who, which is rather unexpected I suppose. Mr. Wyncham, my Classics professor, is already trying to talk me out of it. But you know me. Once I make up my mind, nothing's going to change it!_

_Oh! The lyre you gave me has become a bit of a sensation here. I had to tell people that you made it; since I'm sure telling them I bought it at Madam Hypate's would be a breach of whatever law it was you were telling me about, and my professors are very impressed. If I'm not careful, they may soon be sending you special orders for more lyres._

_Now that I think about it…how __are__ you keeping me a secret from the wizarding Ministry? Not that I want them to wipe my memory, but I'm just curious._

_I have to say Snuffles, I'm glad you found me. I can't quite imagine my life without you in it now. It'd probably be very boring to say the least. Try not to get into too much trouble without me._

_And I hope you manage to decipher this. Ha ha!_

_Take care, Sirius._

_Emily_

_PS: And, yes please, do send me that Hogwarts toilet seat if you can! Preferably one that's been disinfected.

* * *

_

"Sirius Black. Studying. I never thought I'd see the day."

The wizard in question lifted his head from the thick tome he'd been immersed in to face a pair of very amused green eyes.

"Evans," Sirius greeted guardedly. "If this is about James, even I can't stop him where you're concerned."

Lily laughed. Without waiting for an invitation, she seated herself in the chair opposite his, placing a small stack of books on the table between them.

"I'm not here about James. He's actually…not so bad this year. But don't tell him I said that," she added hurriedly. "No, I just thought you might need some help and I knew where to find a few books. So…"

Sirius allowed his eyes to flicker to the pile of books she'd brought with her: '_Out of Darkness: The Complete Guide to living with the Visually Impaired Witch or Wizard_' by Cecilia Ocularis, '_Decoding the Dots_' by Homer O'Dallan and, strangely enough, '_Muggle Mechanics for the Complete Idiot_' by Remington Wright. A dark brow arched quizzically to which Lily answered with an unaffected shrug.

"She must be some girl if you're going through the trouble of learning a whole new language for her."

"Did James – "

"No he didn't, Sirius. I figured that out myself. Just like how I did with Remus' 'furry little problem'. No rabbit's that vicious. Don't worry, I haven't told anyone. Plus you've been asking Professor Scholes a whole lot of questions lately and you don't even take Muggle Studies. And don't even get me started on that thing with the toilet seat!"

Sirius regarded the redheaded witch with begrudging admiration. Evans really was too smart for her own good. Sighing in resignation, he picked up the muggle mechanics book, flipping to the contents page.

"Does this tell you how to build one of those typing machines? But in Braille?"

"You mean a typewriter? You want to build a Braille typewriter?"

"Yes, I want to build a Braille typewriter. Don't make me hex you, Evans. Are you going to help or not?"

Lily smiled.

"I'll help." She got up to retrieve more books from the library racks, paused, and chuckled quietly. "Merlin…she must be some girl."

"Shut it, Evans."

* * *

_Hey Em,_

_TADA! Come on, admit it, you're slightly impressed, aren't you? Now you won't have to get Julia to read my letters for you. Not that I don't like your sister, but I'd rather she not know everything I tell you. Makes it harder for the Ministry to know that you know…well you know what I mean._

_By the way, Lily's dying to meet you. She's the one who helped me build this Braille typing machine. She called it something else but I can't remember what it was. And, you'll love this – James is asking her to Hogsmeade this weekend. I've lost count how many times he's asked her out (Remus probably knows) but how much do you want to bet she's going to turn him down again?_

_Detention wasn't that bad. Two hours scrubbing out the Kappa tanks without magic, and a toothbrush, but it was worth it. At least now I know "Accio toilet seat" is too general a spell. You would have loved it though. Imagine this: fifteen toilet seats flying towards you faster than a Bludger. It's a good thing I ducked. They completely took out the wall behind me. The third floor boy's bathroom won't be usable for a while._

_I suppose muggle Halloween sounds like fun, especially that part about the sweets. Why would anyone dress up as a witch though? We're not exactly scary. Unless you count the ones like Moaning Myrtle and Grindelwald. And my mother. Charming woman, isn't she? I told the others about it but I doubt we'd be getting dressed up this year. What about you?_

_It looks like it's going to be a cold winter this year, so don't stray too far from the heater and remember to bundle up. Julia told me about that time you caught Noo-mo-nia and it didn't sound very pleasant._

_I can hear someone coming up the stairs. Probably Peter. His Divination homework's lying on his bed._

_Stay warm, Em._

_Sirius

* * *

_

_Snuffles!_

_I told you! I told you! I told you! Just so you know, I'm doing my little happy dance around the lounge now. I may have just knocked over something. I heard a crash. But that doesn't matter because I TOLD YOU SO!_

_If you think about it, it all makes a lot of sense really. Lily's constant rejections, the fights they'd get into, it's really like being back in the playground and the only way the boy can tell the girl he likes how he feels is by pulling on her hair._

_Tell James I said "Congratulations!" and tell Lily… "Good luck!" Ha ha!_

_Thanks for the sweets by the way. Julia almost choked on her first jellybean. I guess they weren't joking when they say "Every Flavour", huh? I got pepper, coffee, root beer, Tabasco and grass (which was strangely not that bad) The Chocolate Frogs were a riot! You could have warned me, you know? Julia and I spent a good half hour chasing them down. I think one's still hiding under the sofa. And you were right…Honeydukes fudge IS one of the most amazing things I've ever tasted. It was absolutely divine!_

_All right…this has been bothering me for a while now. I know it's really none of my business and you don't even have to confirm it, but I need to get it off my chest. Remus is a werewolf, isn't he? I mean, by my calculations, every time you tell me he's sick there just so happens to be a full moon out. But maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. I just figured if vampires existed then why can't werewolves? There's another full moon coming up soon. Send Remus my love, won't you?_

_Julia and I are going shopping for our Christmas tree next week. We always go to the same guy. He's got a son around Julia's age and I think he fancies her. We got our tree for half price last year and it was a really good tree too. Plus he sent her a silver picture frame for "being such a loyal customer". Except my name wasn't on the card. A picture frame's not very romantic, I know, but I still think it's sweet. We usually spend our Christmases in London since mum and dad like to take a long holiday over December. Are you coming home for Christmas?_

_I should probably stop here. I'm supposed to be getting ready for a recital._

_Take care, Sirius._

_Em

* * *

_

_Woof! Woof!_

_Thanks for the scarf. The little black poodles embroidered along the hem were a nice touch. Not very manly though. But then neither is Snuffles. Any chance I can get you to stop calling me that?_

_Prongs and Wormtail say "thank you" for their gifts. Wormtail didn't quite know what to do with his Cal-Lator until Lily explained it. She had to charm it to work inside the castle but he's certainly finding Arithmancy a lot easier now. And the victim tally of Prong's Whooping Cushion so far have included Regulus, Avery, Wilkes and, of course, Snivellus. He's thinking of targeting the professors next. Or Filch at least._

_Lily loves the perfume you gave her. So does Prongs. The look on his face every time he catches just a whiff of her…priceless! I know Moony plans on writing to you himself but he loves his gift too. Werewolves aren't treated kindly in our world. So for you to accept him as he is…thank you, Em. That really means a lot._

_Slughorn had one of his Slug Club parties. Funny how he managed that with the castle practically empty. Prongs and Lily were connected at the hip the entire night so you can imagine how bored I was. Slughorn did invite the Broadmoor brothers though and they were probably the most interesting things about the whole evening. They were Beaters for the Falmouth Falcons until '69, famous for being rather violent on the pitch. At one point, one of them whacked the other over the head. Not sure why. But they did manage to break two tables, five chairs and at least a dozen plates before they were done. Slughorn wasn't too happy._

_I hope your Christmas was more exciting. I – _

_I hope you like your present!_

_Woof!

* * *

_

_Sirius,_

_What was with your last letter? I couldn't make out the end of it at all. It was like someone took a pencil to it and scratched it out over and over again. You worry me sometimes…_

_Moony's letter was really sweet. I think it's completely unfair for him to be judged just because he happens to be what he is. It's not his fault. Strange how different your world is from mine in that regard. I know __AT LEAST__ four different girls who would love to date a werewolf. And I'm sure they wouldn't mind me giving him their numbers. So if Moony ever gets tired of witches, just let me know._

_Julia loves the quills you sent her. She's especially fond of the peacock one. In fact, she's shown it off to everyone who's visited since she got it. She hasn't gotten up the courage to try them out yet though._

_Thank you for the locket. It really is one of the most beautiful things anyone has ever given me. And I love that you've charmed it. Did you know that Haydn's Cello Concerto in D was one of the pieces I played in the park that day? It reminds me of you._

_I miss you, Sirius. I even miss you in your Aniwhatsit form._

_I've been invited to play at a concert in Munich. Nothing big. The other musicians are mainly students too. I leave in two days and I'll be gone for about a week. Will Athena be able to find me? If not, I'll just keep writing my letters and send them off to you all in one go when I get back._

_I'd ask you to stay out of trouble but then you're you. So…take care, Sirius._

_Hugs and kisses,_

_Emily

* * *

_

_Dear Em,_

_I know it's been a while since my last letter and I'm sorry._

_To be honest, it probably would've taken even longer for me to write back if Lily hadn't hexed me. You would've thought it was hilarious, Em. First, she hit me with a spell that glued my tongue to the roof of my mouth. Pretty impressive hex, really. Wonder where she learnt that one…well, then she jinxed me with Jelly-Legs __and__ Jelly-Fingers before setting a flock of canaries on me. Funny, huh?_

_It didn't take long for her to convince me of what an idiot I was being because I am an idiot, Em. I'm a daft prick who doesn't deserve to be in Gryffindor. The Sorting Hat should've put me in Hufflepuff._

_What I'm trying to say is that I miss you too. I've been missing you ever since you got into your sister's car outside King's Cross in September. I miss hearing your laughter. I miss sitting outside the fish and chip shop with you. I miss watching you play your cello. But most of all, I miss just listening to you talk._

_I miss you, Emily._

_I'm coming back for Easter and I'd really love to see you. I'd understand if you'd rather not. I'll just wait until you do._

_Stay safe, Em._

_Thinking of you,_

_Sirius

* * *

_

_That is so unfair, Sirius! "I'm sorry" does not make up for not hearing from you for almost two months. I kept thinking I must've done something wrong. Do you know how much it hurt? Saying you miss me too does __NOT__ make it all okay. The fact that you couldn't just talk to me, just TELL me what's wrong I CRIED, SIRIUS! I FRIGGING BLOODY CRIED MY EYES OUT!_

_Alex has asked me to spend Easter with him and his family and I've said yes.

* * *

_

_Dearest Emily,_

_I hope you get this when you get back from wherever Alex's place is. Julia promised to hand it to you personally so I know you should._

_I would've tried a Tracking Charm but even Prongs said I shouldn't push my luck. And this coming from the guy who stalked the girl of his dreams for almost seven years. Ironic, isn't it?_

_I'll be here when you're ready to talk._

_Snuffles

* * *

_

_I can't believe you did that! And don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about! I'd recognise you anywhere. Even as a dog!_

_Alex's mum almost fainted. His sister wouldn't stop screaming. She told me later that their dad was about to fetch his shotgun. His bloody shotgun! You could've been killed, you bloody arse!_

_Do you know how long it took before anyone could calm down enough to tell me what was happening? There I was, poor little blind girl, scared out of my bloody wits, and then Alex tells me he's just been bitten by a giant dog that looked a lot like that filthy mutt that followed me around all summer! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! Wait. What am I saying? YOU WEREN'T THINKING! YOU NEVER DO! I can't believe you're attacking my friends!_

_Stay away from me, Sirius.

* * *

_

_All right, I know I could've handled that better but he was about to kiss you! I think I was completely justified in my actions. You may think of the muggle as your friend but you've never seen the way he looks at you. __HE__ doesn't think of you as a friend, Em!_

_I'm just trying to protect you.

* * *

_

_Why do you care?

* * *

_

'_Why do you care?'_

That was all her letter had said. 'Why do you care?' Sirius wasn't quite sure he was ready to know the answer to that. At least she had taken the time to write back even after she'd told him to stay away. Even if it was only one sentence. One question more like. One question that he was afraid to answer.

"Tell her."

At some point in his musing, Lily had seated herself next to him on the couch in front of the fireplace. The common room was uncharacteristically quiet since almost everyone else was at dinner. A slight shift in weight told the young wizard that someone else had taken the seat on the other side of him. James was regarding him with a stubborn glint in his hazel eyes. Across from them, Remus and Peter had claimed two chairs. No one looked like they were about to move from their spots any time soon.

Sirius sighed.

"Go away."

"Not bloody likely, mate," said James, without the slightest hint of his usual jesting.

"Piss off, Prongs, before I make you."

"Tell her, Sirius," repeated Lily, her green eyes flashing angrily. "You tell her or I will."

"TELL HER WHAT?" Sirius roared. "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL HER?"

Sirius glared at Lily, fully aware of James tensing up beside him, ready to come to her aid if needs be. Sirius knew he was taunting her, daring the young witch to answer him. But the reply to his challenge did not come from fiery redhead.

"Tell her you love her," said Remus quietly.

Sirius rounded on his friend, ready to vehemently deny this, but was silenced by the steely look that meet him. The two boys stared each other down, one gaze heated and fierce, the other cool and calm. It was Sirius who looked away first. Staring into the fire, the laughter that escaped his lips was self-deprecating and was one of the most frightening sounds Lily had ever heard. It sounded like the great Sirius Black was actually giving up.

"Why can't you just admit it, Sirius?" she asked, her voice soft and gentle.

"Why can't you guys just leave it alone?"

"Because if we don't slap some sense into you, Padfoot, no one will," said James.

Lily reached over to grab his head between her hands. Forcing Sirius to look at her, she spoke her next words slowly, as if addressing a child.

"Emily cares for you. She wouldn't have gotten so angry at you for not writing back if she didn't. Of course, she's probably a little beyond pissed right now, but that's because you bit one of her friends. Not the best way to a girl's heart, Sirius."

"Don't you think I know that?" snapped Sirius, wrenching his head away. "It wasn't like I was thinking straight when I did that!"

"I told you the Tracking Charm wasn't a good idea, Pads," said James sagely.

"Don't make me hit you, Prongs."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. Lily's lips twitched at the familiar gesture, raising a questioning brow in James' direction. The other boy simply shrugged.

"Love does weird things to your head, mate," said James.

"Stop saying that!" Sirius barked.

Remus surprised him once more. Getting up from his seat, the other Marauder looked down at him coldly.

"If you can't admit that you love her, you sure as hell don't deserve her. Let's go, Wormtail."

Peter followed Remus out of the common room meekly, looking back towards the couch every few steps with an apologetic look on his face. Lily made to reach out for Sirius again but James stopped her. Shaking his head, he led her out through the portrait of the Fat Lady and down to the Great Hall.

"Give him some time, Lils."

"But what if he doesn't do anything?" Lily argued.

"Then Remus is right. Emily deserves better than that."

* * *

_Dear Emily,_

_I'm not going to apologise for what I did because I'm not sorry I bit Alex. If I had to do it all over again, I would._

_That song from your locket? It wasn't just a random choice. That was the first piece I'd ever heard you play. The engraving on the back is the Black family crest. I guess I was being a bit too subtle._

_I don't want to say this over a letter, Em. The term ends in three weeks. Will you meet me on the platform?_

_I meant what I said before. If you're not there, I'll wait for you. I'll wait until you're ready to see me again. I don't care how long it takes but don't leave a guy hanging too long, eh?_

_With love,_

_Sirius

* * *

_

Platform Nine and Three Quarters was crowded with excited teens looking forward to a long summer, squealing children anxious to see their elder siblings, proud parents of graduating students and the odd cat or two winding their way around people's legs. Over the hubbub a dark head scanned the crowd for a girl with startling blue eyes.

"I don't think she's coming, Padfoot," said the smaller, pasty boy beside him.

Grey eyes glanced down to meet a pair that were small and watery, and just a little fearful. Peter barely contained the squeak that threatened to burst forth from behind his lips. But Sirius didn't look angry. In fact, it was hard to read the other boy's expression.

"Go on, Wormtail," Sirius finally said. "Your parents are probably looking for you."

Peter nodded dumbly, threw James and Remus a helpless look, and scurried into the crowd. The remaining Marauders moved closer to the boy, almost as if they believed their close proximity would lend their friend more strength to face the truth – Emily was not on the platform.

"You should go find Lily, Prongs," said Sirius quietly. "Even I wouldn't want to leave her too long with that sister of hers. And you might as well not even bother, Moony. Go on. I'll be fine."

After extracting a promise from the older boy to pay them a visit over the summer, James and Remus reluctantly left to go rejoin their own families. Finally alone, Sirius waited. He ignored the fan girls who waved at him hopefully and mechanically exchanged goodbyes with classmates from other houses. He waited until the only people left on the platform was himself and a wizened old man who seemed to be a conductor of some sort.

With a heavy sigh, Sirius loaded his trunk onto an empty, and rather rickety, trolley and wheeled it through the barrier and off the platform. He wasn't sure what he felt. It was almost as if the full implications of Emily's absence had not hit him yet. The young wizard walked through King's Cross unseeingly, letting his feet lead him down the familiar route towards the exit.

"I'm sorry, miss! But if you don't leave, I'll have to have you forcibly removed!"

"You know, your people skills are sorely lacking! I just need directions!"

"Well, I'm not going along with some silly schoolgirl prank! I've already told you, miss, THAT PLATFORM DOES NOT EXIST!"

Sirius frowned, head whipping around at the familiar voice. There was a crowd near one of the muggle platforms, excited murmuring bubbling around them. His supersensitive sense of smell, a by-product of his Animagus form, picked up the soothing scent of vanilla. Pushing through the crowd, and ignoring many an angry complaint, Sirius soon saw what had captured everyone's attention. In the middle of the crowd was a petite girl, waving a foldable cane threateningly at a rather large station official.

"I'd like to see how your superiors react when I write in to tell them that you refused to help a _blind girl_."

"For the last time, miss, there's no such thing as Platform Nine and Three Quarters!"

Sirius felt the corners of his lips quirk up involuntarily. The poor station official looked like he was about to cry.

"_Please_, miss…"

Feeling a pang of pity for the muggle, Sirius finally stepped forward to try to diffuse the situation. With a rapid firing of excuses that seemed to confuse the poor man and the people around them more than anything else, Sirius quickly bundled the girl out of the crowd. When they were out of earshot, he pulled her behind a newspaper kiosk, giving in to his laughter. Cerulean blue eyes darted around wildly, re-orientating themselves. When Sirius' laughter finally registered, the girl stilled, eyes narrowing.

"I'm glad I amuse you, Sirius."

"I'm sorry, Em," Sirius grinned. "It's just been a while since I've laughed like that."

Guilt flashed across her face for a moment before she recovered herself. Tapping her cane absentmindedly on the floor, Emily glared at Sirius, waiting for his laughter to die down. Running a hand nervously through his hair, the usually cocky wizard took a careful step towards the girl.

"Hard to believe it's been close to a year since I've seen you."

"I know how long it's been, Sirius. That's not what I came here to hear."

Pacing restlessly and unsure what to do with his hands, Sirius buried them in his trouser pockets, trying to think of the best way to broach what he wanted to say.

"I waited," he finally said. "Didn't think you were going to come."

"Yeah well, I couldn't find the platform," Emily snapped.

"Um…yeah…I gathered that."

Silence fell again. Emily turned towards where she thought Sirius was and he was once again startled by how much she appeared to be able to see. The girl eventually sighed.

"Julia's waiting for me in the car. I should go."

"Wait!"

Melancholic blue eyes bore into grey.

"You may be willing to wait forever but I can't, Sirius. If you want me to stay, then just say it."

"I – "

Sirius stepped forward and grabbed Emily by the shoulders, not hard enough to bruise but with enough force to prevent her from going anywhere.

"I'm not good at this, Em. I don't usually…" He trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

"I know. Lily told me she's never seen you with the same girl for more than a week. Bit of a playboy, aren't we?" But there was no anger or maliciousness in her voice. "I admit I'm not completely blameless here. I was angry and hurt."

Sirius leaned in closer, resting his forehead against Emily's.

"I was jealous and stupid and…I was scared, Em. I wasn't thinking."

"Must've been the animal in you," she teased with the faintest hint of a smile. He suddenly found it difficult to breathe, hardly daring to hope that she was starting to forgive him. As the silence stretched on, the smile slowly slipped from her lips. "Sirius…"

"Don't go, Em."

She tilted her head up to his, a mixture of pain and longing flashing across her eyes. Her voice, when she spoke, was barely above a whisper.

"Say it."

His hands reached up to cradle her head, a movement that was both gentle and reverent.

"I love you, Emily."

It very nearly broke his heart to see the tears brimming in her eyes. At some point, she had brought her hands up, grabbing hold of his shirt tightly, almost as if she were afraid to let go.

"Sirius…" Her voice sounded so fragile. "You…are the daftest, blindest, most…stupid boy I've ever met." Her laughter was shaky but the smile she gave him was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. "And I love you. I've had for the longest time."

"Emily," he breathed, burying his face in her untameable hair.

The comforting scent of vanilla filled his nose and he breathed in deeply, like a drowning man gasping for air. He could feel her shaking with silent tears and had to bite back a groan. With one hand tangled in her hair, he wrapped the other around her, pulling her closer.

He started at her left temple, his lips whispering promises against her soft skin. Brushing feather light caresses across her cheekbone, he planted his lips against her closed eyelids, first the left and then right, trailed them down the bridge of her nose, and then, catching her chin with the hand that had been buried in her hair, tilted her face up to meet his.

* * *

**This turned out longer than I originally remembered it being. Probably because some things changed as I rewrote it.**

**THIS IS NOT THE END! Two more chapters to go before that happens.**

**And for all you Joker fans out there, don't forget to pay a visit to my other story, 'Sic Transit Gloria Mundi'!**

**Any and all feedback is much appreciated.**

**- Scribbles**


	6. Chapter 6

_A Humorous Romantic Tragedy. With all the hopes and dreams he'd shattered, who would have thought that the girl to finally win the heart of the playboy of Hogwarts would literally be blind to all his charms?_

**A/N:**** I will admit that this section of the story is mostly fluff. But I thought it was needed to bridge the gap between the last section and the end. I apologise if Sirius appears OOC at times but I think he's mostly in character.**

**This entire chapter was completely rewritten due to the incident that I will now refer to as The Great Crash of 2010.**

**DISCLAIMER:**** I do not own the world of Harry Potter (or Sirius Black). I don't even own any of the books. So please don't sue.

* * *

**

If I Can't Love Her

* * *

The summer of 1979 was unusually warm. The heavy rainfall that plagued the last few weeks of April eventually gave way to the occasional light shower. By early May, the weather promised clear blue skies – perfect for an outdoor wedding.

The expansive grounds of the Potter Manor had always been known for its tiered gardens, the well-tended lawns, flowerbeds and trees being the envy of many of their neighbours. It also boasted one of the oldest holly trees this side of England and a large man-made pond that had been dug around a hundred and sixty years ago; now home to an elusive, ancient Ramora, a silver coloured fish that was considered to possess powerful magic.

A gazebo covered in climbing white roses had been erected by the pond's edge; the water's surface hidden under a layer of water lilies. Three rows of chairs were set up before it, forming two columns with a petal-strewn aisle in between. It was a small, quiet affair but one that was filled with the love and affection of the young couple's closest friends and family.

Three men stood in the gazebo. The elder of the three was a bespectacled silver haired man with a beard long enough to be tucked into his belt. He was tall and thin but his robes fit him well, their bright colour adding to the impression of irrepressible energy he gave off. The taller of the younger two had an air of casual elegance about him. His dress robes were simple but impeccably cut, matching his aristocratic good looks. Some may call the quirk of his lips a smug smirk, but it was obvious that the young man was genuinely happy for his friend. The last – a nervous youth with messy, jet black hair – stood watching the top of the stone stairs that led from the house into the gardens. His hands alternated between running through his hair and fidgeting with the hem of his sleeves, neither of which really seemed to be calming him down. And then, just as he thought he'd pass out from the dangerously spasmodic pounding of his heart, the sight he'd been waiting anxiously for robbed him of his breath.

Lily Evans was a vision in white. Dressed in a gown of a mixed cotton and Dacron fibre fabric, the material bordered on appearing almost sheer in areas and draped softly over her. The dress itself was an empire waisted gown with a square neckline and short sleeves. Her dark red hair was piled on top of her head in an elegant updo, held in place by several silver and ivory combs that had at one time belonged to her grandmother. In her hands, she held a bouquet of Fire lilies and baby's breath tied together with a blue ribbon. But in James' eyes, all this paled in comparison to the fact that she was walking down the aisle towards him; in a few short minutes, she'd be his wife. Lily could be wearing a potato sack and she'd still be the most gorgeous thing on the face of the planet.

Sirius grinned as Mr. Evans relinquished his daughter to James. He could tell the man was already impressed with his best friend. It wasn't so much the house and the obvious wealth. It was the way he looked at Lily, like he would step in front of a Killing Curse just to keep her safe from everything evil in the world. And they _were_ living in dark times.

The thought made him look out into the guests seated outside the gazebo, searching for the familiar face. His grin melted into a soft smile. Sitting in between Remus and Peter, Emily was following the proceedings closely, letting her sense of hearing inform her of what was going on. She was wearing one his favourite dresses, a light blue, off-the-shoulder peasant dress with a tiered skirt. Her hair was worn half up, the rest cascading down her back in its usual unruly tangle. Sirius doubted she had even bothered with make-up. She had kicked off her shoes and was absently wiggling her toes through the grass beneath her feet. Truthfully, she stuck out like a sore thumb, and not only because she was one of only three muggles in attendance. Sirius tuned back in just in time to hear Dumbledore warn against taking the vows of marriage lightly.

"The institution of marriage is not only the joining of two people. It is the union of two minds, two hearts and two souls."

Lily and James stood facing each other, holding hands. At a nod from his former Headmaster, Sirius stepped forward; binding their hands with a white wrap that Lily had embroidered herself.

"Do you, James Potter, take Lily Evans to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love and to cherish, in – "

"Yes," answered James excitedly before Dumbledore could finish the vows. Lily blushed. "I do."

The corners of Dumbledore's eyes crinkled as he chuckled quietly.

"Lily?" he asked, turning to her with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"I do," said the redhead shyly, looking up at James adoringly. Sirius resisted the urge to laugh. The boy looked like he was about to explode from happiness.

"Then I declare you bonded for life. You may now kiss the…"

Cheers erupted as James once again jumped the gun, capturing Lily's lips between his before Dumbledore had completed his sentence. Sirius led the cheering and applause as Dumbledore waved his hand over the heads of the newly wedded couple, showering them in silver stars that spiralled gently around them. His eyes sought out Emily once more, finding her grinning goofily, her cerulean eyes brimming with unshed tears. She always was a sucker for romance.

It had been a year since they had graduated from Hogwarts; a year since Sirius had admitted that he was in love. And everyday he discovered something new about Emily that had him falling head over heels for her all over again.

The chairs had been levitated and rearranged around a long banquet table that looked like it was about to collapse under the weight of the feast laid out on it. Toasts were made, embarrassing stories recounted, and laughter reigned. By the time the sun had set, the happy couple had retreated to the gazebo and were slow dancing to a song only they could hear.

Sirius looked down at the slight pressure on his hand. Emily had entwined her fingers in his. Her appetite still amazed him, leaving the young wizard continually wondering where she put it all. She had tried a little of everything on the table, as if trying to determine if the wizard food served at weddings were any different from the muggle food served at weddings. She had made a sizeable dent in her slice of wedding cake, finished off three glasses of champagne and had even taken a sip of his Firewhiskey. The girl was now rather mellow. Emily leaned her head against Sirius' shoulder, nuzzling into him, a habit that she'd developed recently.

"Are the stars out?"

Sirius smiled down at her. Emily's eyes were looking past him and up at the night sky.

"Yeah, they are. It's like…someone took a diamond, crushed it into a million tiny pieces and tossed them into the sky."

Emily laughed.

"Nice analogy."

Sirius planted a kiss on the top of her head. Emily sighed contentedly. Further down the table, the Longbottoms, themselves married a few months earlier, were having a rather animated conversation with Remus, who had swapped seats with Dumbledore because the latter had wanted to talk to Peter. Hagrid was at the other end of the table; already well past the tipsy stage. McGonagall was having a hard time keeping the half-giant upright in his chair. In fact, looking around Sirius realised that with the exception of James' parents, the Evanses and Emily, all the other guests were Order members.

A tremor of guilt ran up his spine. It was the one thing he had kept from her, the one secret he had yet to share. Sirius had eventually told Emily about his family and their affinity for the Dark Arts. Emily hadn't pressed for details; she didn't interrogate him and ask which side he was on. She had simply nodded, saying that him telling her about it was enough. When muggles began mysteriously disappearing at an alarming rate, he told her about Voldemort. She had taken that surprisingly well too. But when he had joined the Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore had convinced him that telling Emily about its existence would unnecessarily endanger her. She knew he was working on the side of the good guys, fighting against the dark wizard she'd affectionately nicknamed "Voldy". She just didn't know that every time he left on a mission, there was the chance that he may not return.

"What's wrong?"

Emily was looking up at him, concern etched across her brows; one of her hands placed lightly on his chest, right over his heart. Sirius smiled. Even after a year, he still hadn't gotten used to the fact that Emily could read him with just a simple touch.

"Nothing. I was just thinking."

Emily frowned but didn't question him further. Unlike most females he knew, Emily rarely pressured him into telling her anything he didn't want to talk about. Whilst she worried about him, she also knew that he needed his space and if it were important, he'd eventually share the matter with her. It made the guilt he was feeling just that little bit worse.

"I can't believe Petunia didn't come," she said, changing the subject. "Lily cried for half an hour before the ceremony. Mrs. Evans had to give her a Calming Draught – which smells delightfully like chamomile tea, by the way."

"Prongs did say that they used to be close. Before Lily got her Hogwarts letter," said Sirius, thankful for the change in topic as he lazily twirled a lock of Emily's dark hair around his finger.

"She was probably just jealous," said Emily sagely. Sirius laughed. "I lent her the earrings you gave me. Did you notice?"

"Yes, I did. I'm sorry to say they look better on her." Emily swatted his arm in mock anger. "I'm guessing they were her 'something borrowed'?"

"Yeah," smiled Emily. "Lily really does like tradition."

The sound of music caught their attention. Mr. Potter had transfigured one of the chairs into an old fashioned Victrola and was now gallantly extending a hand to his wife. Placing her hand in his, Mrs. Potter followed her husband out onto the lawn, smiling lovingly up at him. They were soon joined by Mr. and Mrs. Evans, and Frank and Alice Longbottom.

"What's happening?"

"Mr. P asked Mrs. P to dance. It's kind of turning into a couples thing."

Emily smiled cheekily.

"Dancing _is_ a couples thing."

Sirius flashed her a toothy grin.

"Then we should join them."

Emily laughed, a rich, intoxicating sound that had Sirius growling low in his throat. Pulling her out of her chair, he led her to join the other couples. It was a testament to how much she trusted him that Emily let him twirl her across the grass, trusting that he wouldn't let her bump into someone else or trip over anything. It was a fact Sirius was constantly aware of and eternally grateful for. Aside from James, Sirius wasn't sure there was a single other person who trusted him completely like Emily did.

She fitted so perfectly against him. He inhaled deeply, taking in the alluring scent of vanilla that always had his head spinning. Her dress flared up around her legs as he twirled her again.

"M-may I cut in?"

Peter looked like he half wanted to run away but Sirius had to applaud his friend's bravery. In all their years at Hogwarts, he doubted he'd ever seen the smaller boy ask a girl to dance. True the girl in question now was Emily and it was unlikely that she would turn him down, but it was still quite a feat for the usually socially awkward wizard. Sirius noted with satisfaction the careful way Peter took Emily's hand, like he was afraid she would break. Knowing she was in safe hands, Sirius moved towards James and Lily, deciding that it was about time he did his duty as best man and steal the bride away for a dance.

Sirius had danced with Lily, Mrs. Potter, Mrs. Evans, Alice and even McGonagall by the time he collapsed into his chair back at the banquet table. A tumbler of Firewhiskey was promptly pushed across the table towards him. The young wizard looked up to see a fellow Marauder lifting his own glass in a silent toast.

"Thanks Moony."

"It was either that or the pumpkin juice. I figured you'd prefer something stronger," said the sandy haired wizard with an impish half-smile.

"You know me so well."

Unbridled laughter caught their attention. The two men turned towards the impromptu dance floor to find that Emily had kicked off her shoes again, leading Peter in a merry dance that was as wild as it was uncoordinated. Peter was having a hard time making sure she didn't crash into the other couples but he also looked like he was having the time of his life. Remus chuckled.

"She's a real handful, isn't she?"

"Wouldn't have it any other way," said Sirius, his voice exuding pride.

They watched as Peter caught Emily just before she could run into the gazebo. The girl simply laughed again, a sound so infectious that soon Peter was sharing in her amusement too. A smile came unbidden to Sirius' lips.

"So when are you and Em tying the knot?" asked Remus teasingly.

"We've talked about it," said Sirius, as he casually took a sip of his Firewhiskey. "But…"

"But?" prompted Remus, his interest piqued.

Sirius swirled the liquor in his glass. Across the lawn, Peter was trying to keep Emily from tumbling head first into the pond. Remus frowned as he tried to read the expression on his friend's face.

"This isn't another case of you being too stubborn to admit your feelings, is it? Because if it is – "

Sirius' bark like laughter cut him off.

"You'll hex me to Pluto and back. I know."

"Then what's the problem?"

"It's Em," sighed Sirius. "She says…well…she thinks we're too young to be making a life long commitment like that."

Remus' brow furrowed in confusion.

"You're both the same age as James and Lily," he pointed out.

"That's what I told her. I don't know…maybe it's a muggle thing."

"What's a muggle thing?"

Lily plopped herself down in the chair next to Remus, her face flushed, a dazzling smile on her face. Helping herself to the pumpkin juice, she looked expectantly at the two Marauders.

"Em doesn't want to marry Padfoot because she thinks they're too young to be making a life long commitment like that," said Remus helpfully.

Sirius glared at this friend. Lily looked thoughtful.

"She said that? When?"

Sirius muttered something under his breath, looking rather sullen.

"Sorry? Didn't catch that."

"I said…about a month ago," grumbled the dark haired wizard.

Lily nodded, polishing off half of the pumpkin juice in her goblet.

"Makes sense."

Sirius stared at her incredulously.

"Excuse me?"

Lily shot him a pointed look.

"You're not the only one with secrets, you know."

Sirius placed his tumbler none-too-gently on the table.

"Wait a minute. Em shares secrets with you that she doesn't tell me about?"

Lily shrugged, an amused smirk spreading across her lips.

"It was kind of something she wanted to sort out on her own before she told you about it."

"What was it?" Sirius demanded.

"You should ask her that."

"Lily," Sirius warned, his eyes dangerously dark.

But Lily wasn't the sort of woman who could be easily intimidated. She gave him a look that was just as dark and calmly took a sip from her goblet.

"Go. Ask. Her."

Peter couldn't remember the last time a girl looked at him the way Emily did. Even Lily, who always treated him nicely, always seemed to find him annoying after a while. She'd never actually said that out loud, but he could see it in her eyes sometimes. Emily on the other hand had spent the past hour and a half laughing at his jokes and all together making him feel like he was just every bit as interesting as Sirius or James. It was not a feeling he was used to, but it was definitely one that was growing on him.

They were sitting by the edge of the pond, Emily's feet gently kicking at the water. She was smiling at something he'd said, her eyes not quite meeting his, but everyone had grown used to the strange way that Emily seemed to look at them and through them at the same time. She was just in the process of recounting a prank she and her sister Julia had played on a neighbour when they were younger, when she stopped mid-sentence, head quirked as if hearing something that he couldn't.

"Em?"

The hand that suddenly landed on his shoulder caused Peter to squeak in surprise.

"Sorry, Wormtail. I need to steal my girlfriend back."

Sirius voice was a low growl and one look at his face had the shorter man hurrying back towards the other guests. Emily laughed.

"You didn't need to scare the poor boy away."

She reached out for him but Sirius drew back. Emily had her hand held out for quite a while before she lowered it, frowning as she did so. Her eyes darted around; confused. She could sense him nearby but didn't understand why he hadn't sat down next to her.

"Sirius?"

"Why don't you want to marry me, Em?"

"What?" asked the girl, more a reaction to the sudden unexpected question than anything else.

"Why don't you want to marry me?" Sirius repeated, his voice like gravel against steel.

"We've already been through this," Emily sighed. "I just don't think – "

"Is that the real reason?" challenged Sirius, cutting her off. Emily kept silent, looking even more puzzled. "I just had a nice chat with Lily. She sort of let slip that you were hiding something. So – "

"So you immediately thought it had to be something bad," Emily finished for him.

"I never said that." A long, tense pause stretched out between them. "Is it?"

"Bad?" laughed Emily bitterly. She withdrew her feet from the water. "Yeah, it's absolutely horrible."

Sirius growled.

"Why won't you tell me what it is?"

The speed at which Emily rounded on him startled him and Sirius found himself actually taking a step back before he realised that she hadn't even gotten up.

"WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME WHERE YOU GO OFF TO?" Sirius gaped at her. She ploughed on. "You come over some times smelling like smoke. Not cigarette smoke either. It's bonfire smoke – the scent of burnt wood, hair and flesh. That's a hard smell to get rid of. No matter how many times you wash your clothes or Scourgify it. And sometimes you disappear for days at a time and no one will tell me where you are. I may be blind but I do notice the scars, Sirius. The one on your elbow wasn't there a week ago. How did you get that, huh? What are _you_ hiding?"

"WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?"

"IT HAS _EVERYTHING_ TO DO WITH _US_, SIRIUS! HOW CAN YOU ASK ME TO MARRY YOU WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL ME WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING?"

"You could have just trusted that whatever it was wasn't anything wrong," said Sirius quietly. "I'm nothing like my family, Em."

Emily's laughter was humourless. She drew her knees up against herself and wrapped her arms around her legs.

"You still don't get it. I've never compared you to your family, Sirius. Every time you leave, I know there's the very high possibility you might not come back. I worry about where you might be and I pray that you'll be okay." She shook her head. "But that's not the problem."

"Then what is?"

"I've been offered first chair in the Royal Concertgebouw Orchestra."

Sirius was thrown for a moment at the sudden change in topic but had been with Emily long enough to know that this was not some random tangent. He had also been with her long enough to know a little about muggle orchestras.

"That's in Amsterdam."

"Yes."

"First chair…that's a pretty big deal."

"Yeah, it is."

"Is that why you said no?"

"Yes," said Emily quietly. "And no." Sirius, with an argument half-formed on his lips, closed his mouth, swallowed his anger and frustration, and sat down next to her, waiting for Emily to explain herself. "Look at us, Sirius. You don't trust me enough to tell me your biggest secret. And I…need you so bad it bloody hurts!"

Sirius stared after her as Emily got up and waded into the pond, stopping when she was knee-deep into the water. With her dress floating around her and the moon highlighting her hair, Sirius was sure he'd never seen anything more beautiful.

"I told them no," said Emily quietly.

It took a while for him to fully register what she had said, but when he did Sirius was more surprised than he'd thought he would be.

"What? Em, you've wanted to play first chair in an orchestra since you were six years old."

"I know."

Getting up, Sirius walked out to join Emily in the pond, turning her to face him. She had that stubborn look on her face that told him she was fighting back tears.

"I couldn't do it, Sirius. I couldn't take the job. All I could think of was how far away Amsterdam was. And I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave you. And whatever it is you do, I know it's important. I knew I couldn't ask you to leave that. So I said no. And I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd blame yourself."

Sirius felt like laughing. Crying. Screaming. All at the same time – because she was right. Ever since Emily first told him about how she lost her sight, how it was a degenerative condition that had no cure, Sirius had understood how much she loved music. She didn't just enjoy it. She lived and breathed it. She had only been two when the muggle doctors told her parents she would never see again; three when the first music instructor she went to said she would never be a professional musician because of her handicap. He knew how hard she had worked to get to where she was now. And Emily was better than good. She was beyond amazing. So, yes, she was right. He did blame himself. She had given up the dream she had worked over fifteen years for, all because of him.

The young wizard pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against him. He didn't know what to say. All of Dumbledore's arguments no longer made sense. Emily's voice was shaky when she next spoke.

"I said no to you because I don't want to want you this badly. Because I know you're going to leave me one day. And I…I can't, Sirius…I can't…"

Sirius buried his face in her hair. He could feel her body quivering with the effort of trying not to cry.

"I would never leave you, Em."

"Everyone leaves, Sirius."

"Not me."

"Even you. You're nineteen, Sirius. No one finds their soul mate at nineteen."

"James found Lily."

"That's different."

"How? How are they different from us?"

"Lily's a witch. I'm not."

"I don't care about that," said Sirius, a slight smile tugging at his lips as he thought of what a silly thing that was for her to worry about.

"I know," said Emily, shaking her head, "but James will always be able to tell her things about your world that you'd never tell me."

Sirius opened his mouth to dispute that but realised that she was right. Merlin! He was keeping the Order a secret from her. Secrets really did not get much bigger than that. Emily took his silence as an acknowledgement of what she'd said. Seeing the look of resignation on her face helped him find his voice again.

"Wizards have married muggles before. We'll make it work. Pushing me away now just because you don't want to lose me later on is some pretty convoluted reasoning, Em." He felt her stiffen in his arms and froze as an unsettling though occurred to him. "Unless…you weren't planning on me being in your life for there to be a later." He felt her pull away and felt his arms turn to lead, falling down to his sides. "Em?"

"I thought if I ended it…but I couldn't."

"When were you going to do it?"

Emily turned her head away, letting her hair fall into her face.

"I don't know. I guess I was going to once I'd confirmed everything with the Concertgebouw. Then you left on that trip, the one where you were gone for a week, and it almost killed me worrying about whether or not you'll come back in one piece, if at all. And I…I don't know."

Sirius groaned in frustration, running his hand through his hair. Emily was shuffling backwards, further away from him and into deeper water. Grey eyes clashed with blue and it hit him that she was putting distance between them because she was expecting him to start yelling again. They'd had little arguments before, but Sirius realised that tonight had been the first time he had ever raised his voice at her.

"Em, don't."

She stopped backing away but her eyes were alert enough to tell him that she was listening for any sign he might make of moving closer to her. She was acting like she was afraid of him.

"I'm sorry, Sirius." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Don't do this, Em. We'll make this work. I'll make this work." He reached out for her and had to marvel at how well she knew him. She'd stopped just out of his reach. "No more secrets."

Sirius waited. He wasn't going to move until she was comfortable with being near him again. He could hear the music from the transfigured Victrola still playing and he knew they'd been gone long enough that someone would come looking for them soon. Emily reached up to tuck her hair behind her ears.

"No more secrets," she echoed.

Sirius nodded, even though he knew she couldn't see it.

"We'll take things slow."

Emily smiled, slowly approaching him. Sirius moved forward to meet her half way. He hadn't realised how on edge he was until he felt her arms encircle his waist and all the tension in his body melted away. He leaned down to plant a kiss on top of her head.

"We've got our entire lives ahead of us."

* * *

**So we're close to the end. Just the epilogue left. Thanks for sticking with me so far =)**

**A random fact: apparently baby's breath is called soap wort in England. But I decided that just didn't sound very 'wedding-y'.**

**Research for Lily's dress:**

**http:/ www . fashion-era . com / Weddings / 1984 _ old _ wedding _ photos . htm**

**http:/ www . sovintagepatterns . com / bridalpatterns . html**

**Wedding ceremony:**

**http:/ fanfiction . mugglenet . com / forum / archive / index . php / t-22855 . html**

**http:/ www . life123 . com / relationships / weddings / wedding-customs-traditions / celtic-wedding-traditions . shtml**

**Well, I hope you guys liked this installment of the one-shot that became a monster. As always, any and all feedback is very welcome.**

**- Scribbles**


	7. Chapter 7

_A Humorous Romantic Tragedy. With all the hopes and dreams he'd shattered, who would have thought that the girl to finally win the heart of the playboy of Hogwarts would literally be blind to all his charms?_

**A/N:**** I'm sorry this took a while. School took over my life.**

**So it's finally come to an end. Thanks to everyone who's been with me throughout this turbulent journey:**

_Larry1710, Jessica, SandNinja101, Galactic Cannibalism, YANIsweetness7, The Pink Marauder, NinjaHarryPotter4life, Jokegirl, Calamity and Chaos, TwinzLover, SnarkySidekick, Mochakitty123, MissEasyPeasy, Mily-chan, Harajuku Flavors, FiercelyJalice, debbie2, 4evercrazy96, -MistressKirya13-, Maille Makeout, MischievousAngel0923, Vampire Blood Kitten, VampiresRule103 _and_ whataboutamanda._

**Some of the facts may not line up with the books, only because I haven't been able to get my hands on a copy of them at the library. All my facts taken from the hp-lexicon and Harry Potter Wiki. But hey, they've got to be pretty reliable there, don't they? The location of Peter's place is completely fictional since I couldn't find information on where he lived after Hogwarts.**

**There's a reference to one of my favourite movies, Leon: The Professional, in this final chapter. Virtual cookies to whomever can spot it.**

**DISCLAIMER:**** I do not own the world of Harry Potter (or Sirius Black). I don't even own any of the books. So please don't sue.

* * *

**

If I Can't Love Her

* * *

The clock had just struck eleven on the night of October 31, 1981. Most of London, both wizarding and muggle were asleep. With the exception of one dark haired young man who was sitting in a dimly lit living room, lacing up his boots. The apartment he was in was an eclectic mix of both worlds. The mantle above the fireplace held both moving and non-moving photos. A bookshelf in the corner contained titles like '_Quidditch Through The Ages_', '_A Compendium of Common Curses and Their Counter-Actions_' and '_Saucy Tricks for Tricky Sorts_' mixed in with other books like '_Carrie_' by Stephen King, '_Decline and Fall_' by Evelyn Waugh and '_O Jerusalem_' by Laurie R. King. A well cared for cello leaned against one wall and right next to it sat a tri-tiered lyre, with printed Braille sheet music in neat little piles around both instruments. Pulling on his coat, Sirius checked his pockets one last time and made sure he had his wand strapped in its sheath on his arm.

"Where are you off to?"

Sirius' head snapped up in surprise, but that soon gave way to a pleasant sense of contentment. Standing in the doorway to the master bedroom, with one hand on the doorframe and the other holding up the very crumpled sheets off the bed, Emily was sleepily looking somewhere to his right, a brow cocked in question. A rather large diamond on the third finger of her left hand caught the faint light in the room, a sight that caused the wizard to grin. The young woman's eyes shifted to lock with his as her ears picked up the sound of his footsteps as he approached her.

"Just going to check on Wormtail," said Sirius, leaning down to place a kiss on the top of her head. The familiar scent of vanilla enveloped him, causing him to have to stifle a growl. From the look on Emily's face though she knew exactly what he was thinking. "You should go back to bed."

"Ok," she agreed as she yawned and allowed Sirius to turn her around and push her gently back into the bedroom. "Oh, we've still got some of those cookies Julia sent us. Bring them with you. You know how much Peter likes her baking."

Sirius smiled. Julia had finally graduated with her medical degree at the beginning of the year. Around the same time, she had met a muggle lawyer and, after dating for four months, he had asked her to move in with him. Emily liked to joke about how they were the ultimate power couple and how, between the both of them, they'd produce freakishly intelligent babies. Sirius had to appreciate the fact that Emily no longer shared the apartment with her sister though, for he never could quite meet Julia's eyes on the mornings after he'd spent the night, especially when the woman kept shooting him knowing little smirks. Honestly, it disturbed him a little.

"And don't forget we're supposed to meet Alice and Frank for lunch tomorrow," said Emily as Sirius pulled the blanket over her.

"I won't forget."

As he got up to head towards the door, Emily's quiet voice in the dark stopped him.

"Sirius?"

"Yes?"

She was smiling up at him, her cerulean blue eyes slightly more unfocused than they usually were. It took a considerable amount of effort for Sirius to stay where he was and not return to bed with her.

"You know I love you, right?" She yawned again. "Just be careful out there."

Sirius nodded though he knew she couldn't see it.

"I will." He paused, watching as she slowly drifted off to sleep again. "I love you, Em."

Stopping in the kitchen to pick up the cookies for Peter, Sirius took one more look around the apartment before heading out the door. Locking it behind him, Sirius recast the numerous protection and warning charms over the apartment. Emily usually teased him about being paranoid whenever he did that when they went out, but she never stopped him. She was just as aware as he was about the dangers they faced, even in the muggle world, with Voldemort continually growing in power. The dark wizard was vicious in taking out anyone who stood in his way, be they muggle or wizard. And with him having clearly targeted the Potters after they had refused to join his cause, Sirius wasn't about to take any chances with Emily. Not when it was common knowledge that he was James' best friend.

The street outside Emily's apartment was empty. Parked under a streetlamp was an ordinary looking white 1959 Triumph 650 Bonneville T120, the only noticeable oddity about it being that it was much larger than other motorcycles of its make. Sirius felt a small burst of pride. He had found the motorcycle just before September of his final year at Hogwarts and had lovingly fixed it up, adding all sorts of magical enhancements. During the same year, when he had almost messed things up with Emily, working on his bike during the holidays was one of the few things that kept him sane. The best thing about it though was that Emily loved the motorcycle just as much as he did, especially the fact that he had enchanted it to fly as well. Kick-starting the bike, Sirius turned it south and proceeded to head out of London, taking to the air once he was outside the city limits.

Dumbledore had moved Peter out of his mother's house around the same time that the Potters had gone into hiding. It was brilliant really. Sirius had been such an obvious choice to be James and Lily's Secret Keeper that he knew no one would even consider Peter. Dumbledore had agreed with him and had cast the Fidelius Charm with Peter as the Potter's Secret Keeper. That had been a week ago.

Flying over Bath, Sirius wondered how young Harry was doing. The child had just turned one a few months ago and the last time he had seen the boy, he had been flying around on the toy broom he and Emily had gotten him for his birthday, breaking anything that wasn't charmed to stick down on the shelves or tables around the house. Emily loved Harry. When he was born, she had written him a lullaby on her cello, recorded it, and had Sirius charm the tune into a music box. Lily swore Harry wouldn't sleep if the lullaby wasn't playing.

Emily wanted kids once they were married. Sirius smiled absently, the wind whipping through his hair as he flew his bike through a cloud. Married – they were going to get married. He had proposed again. On her birthday. And she had said yes. Sirius knew he was grinning now but he didn't care. Emily had said yes. He was still trying to get used to the fact that, in less than a month, Emily was going to be completely his. Even now, every time he looked at her, his brain would possessively scream, "_Mine!_" Who would have thought that Sirius Black, of all people, would settle down and be a married man? But Sirius couldn't imagine life without her; didn't even want to contemplate the possibility.

Seeing the town of Bridgwater below him, Sirius began his descent. He knew from experience not to fly too close to the lights of the town, just in case someone decided to look up, and kept a decent amount of cloud cover between him and the inhabitants below. About a mile out of Bridgwater, Sirius landed his motorcycle in front of an unassuming cottage with ivy growing halfway up its chimney. Armed with the cookies, Sirius walked up the gravel walkway, whistling one of Emily's favourite Haydn compositions. It was early in the morning of Tuesday, November 1, 1981 and there were still a few more hours until sunrise. But he and James had prearranged this meeting with Peter the week before, so when there still was no answer after his second knock, the wizard began to feel his blood run cold.

"_Alohomora_," whispered Sirius, aiming his wand at the door handle, which unlocked with a soft click.

It was dark inside the cottage. Holding his wand out in front of him, Sirius slowly reached for where he knew the light switch was located, a defensive curse ready on his lips. Light flooded the front room as Sirius tracked his wand in a semi-circle around himself. The house was empty. He checked the kitchen, the bathrooms, both bedrooms and every cupboard and storage area in the cottage. Nothing was missing. Nothing had been moved. And Peter was nowhere to be found.

Sirius frowned. There were no signs of a struggle, so Peter must have left the cottage voluntarily. But why would he have done so when he knew Sirius would be calling on him that morning? Unable to shake off the feeling that something was very wrong, Sirius exited the cottage that had been Peter's hiding place for the past week and climbed back on his motorcycle, turning it in the direction of Godric's Hollow.

Unlike the trip down to Bridgewater, the one up to Godric's Hollow was reckless and worry-filled. At one point he cut right in front of an airplane coming in for a landing at the Bristol airport. Staying undetected was the furthest thing from Sirius' mind. He could feel, and hear, the vehicle below him protesting as he pushed its engine further and further beyond the normal speed limits of what it should have been capable of accomplishing if it had not been magically enhanced.

As the young wizard started his descent, he caught sight of something that had his heart plummeting to his stomach. Spiralling up above the village of Godric's Hollow was a pillar of dark smoke – right over where James and Lily's house should have been. Sirius still had enough to sense to make sure he landed his bike out of sight of any prying muggle eyes, but once he was on the ground it took a surprising amount of effort to dismount and actually walk towards the Potters' home.

There were flashing lights all over the place. A large red truck was parked in front of the house, a long hose running from it to where several men were aiming it at the still smouldering remains. Sirius recognised several vehicles that belonged to the muggle police, their red and blue lights blinking on the roof of each. Another truck, white with a chequered green and yellow stripe along its side, was parked closest to the ruins of the house. Its back doors were flung wide open, the light shining from inside blindingly bright.

"We found one!"

It was then that Sirius noticed that there were uniformed muggles treading carefully through the remains of the Potters' home. Others were rolling some sort of portable bed towards the one who had shouted out. It didn't feel like he was really there. It was like he was seeing everything through someone else's eyes. He watched as two men pulled someone out of the rubble, carried the body through the ruins, and carefully placed it on the rolling bed. He watched as another group of uniformed muggles circled the bed, talking quietly amongst themselves. Someone shook their head. And then a blanket was pulled over the body.

He could hear whispers around him and vaguely wondered when the crowd had formed. Or maybe they had been there all along and he just hadn't noticed. These were obviously James and Lily's neighbours. He had seen the woman in the fluorescent green bathrobe tending her garden the last time he and Emily had paid his best friend a visit.

"Oh it's just awful!" she was saying. "They were such a young couple too. And little Harry no older than one."

"Not the baby too!" someone else gasped.

"Just look at the house, Doreen! The poor thing never stood a chance."

Sirius had seen, and heard, enough. James, Lily and Harry were dead. Peter was missing. It didn't take a genius to piece two and two together. And it was all his fault. He had trusted Peter, they all had. Clenching his hands into fists, Sirius turned around to return to his motorcycle. Wormtail – the bastard had been aptly named. The dark-haired wizard snorted at the irony. Even the man's Animagus form had been a rat. They should've known.

He forced himself not to turn around. He wouldn't be able to walk away again if he did. James, Lily and Harry…little Harry…What was he going to tell Emily?

"Sirius."

When he found Peter he was going to throttle the son of a…

"_Sirius_."

And then he was going to…

"SIRIUS!"

The young wizard's head shot up at the sound of the harsh whisper. Standing at the entrance of a narrow street, a giant of a man was waving him over. Sirius hesitated. Peter already had a head start. But Hagrid seemed rather anxious to talk to him. He frowned. Why _was_ Hagrid there? How had he heard about the Potters so fast? Reaching for his wand, Sirius cautiously approached the half-giant.

"Hagrid," he said, inclining his head in way of greeting.

"Did yeh see the house?" asked Hagrid, his eyes wide. It almost looked as if the man was scared.

"Yes. It…" Sirius felt his control slipping. "He destroyed them. He…"

Hagrid started to panic. Young Sirius Black was falling apart right in front of his eyes. The young Marauder who had always seemed so confident, so capable, was trembling like a leaf, looking as if he were struggling to hold back tears. Hagrid reached out a tentative hand, meaning to try to comfort the man, but Sirius pulled back, glaring at him suspiciously.

"Why are you here Hagrid?"

"Wha'? Sirius I – " Hagrid broke off, backing away and holding his arms up as he realised that Sirius had drawn his wand and was now aiming it at his chest.

"How did you hear about what happened so quickly?"

"Now don't do anythin' hasty, Sirius. Dumbledore sent me. He wanted me ter fetch Harry."

"Harry?"

Hagrid slowly reached for the opening of his large moleskin overcoat, keeping a close eye on Sirius' wand. He drew back the front to reveal a tiny bundle he had been cradling against his chest.

"He survived, mate. I don't know how. Don't know how Dumbledore knew either. But young Harry survived it all."

Sirius frowned. It wasn't possible. There was no way a baby could have survived what had happened to the house. Voldemort didn't leave survivors. But the gentle cooing coming from the blanket wrapped bundle in Hagrid's arms said otherwise. He lowered his wand.

"How…"

"Don't know, mate. He's a li'l banged up but fine otherwise."

Hagrid folded back the blanket as Sirius approached him, staring at young Harry Potter as if he were a Fanged Geranium that was about to bite his head off. The half-giant heard his sharp intake of breath as he recognised the baby and saw some unknown emotion flash across his eyes. He was still very much aware that Sirius had his wand out though as he watched his fellow wizard reach out for the distinct scar on Harry's forehead.

"I reckon that's where the curse hit 'im. Dumbledore will pro'bly be able ter remove it."

"I'll take him back to Em," said Sirius reaching out for the baby.

"Sorry, Sirius," said Hagrid, drawing Harry back into the safety of his coat. "But I've got strict orders ter bring him ter his aunt and uncle."

"Lily's sister?" exclaimed Sirius in disbelief. "She didn't even come to their wedding! I don't think Lily's spoken to her in months. Em and I are his godparents!"

"Orders are orders, mate," said Hagrid apologetically.

Sirius shook his head.

"How are you even going to get there?"

"Well, I was goin' ter take the bus," admitted Hagrid sheepishly.

Sirius ran a hand through his hair, stopping abruptly when he realised what he was doing and whom the action reminded him of. He sighed. Reaching into his one of his pockets, he pulled out the keys to his motorcycle and held them out to Hagrid. The half-giant recognised them right away, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Are yer sure, mate?"

"Yeah. Take the bike, Hagrid. I won't need it anymore. Get Harry safely to Dumbledore."

Hagrid accepted the keys, handling them almost reverently.

"I promise I'll take real good care o' Harry. And yer bike too."

"I know you will," said Sirius softly, taking one last look at Harry. Once he'd dealt with Peter he'll go speak to Dumbledore. Harry should be with him and Em. She already loved the boy as if he were her own son. And he knew James wouldn't want the boy growing up with those awful muggles. He had started to turn around when Hagrid called his name again.

"Sirius!" The man hesitated, searching for the right words to say. "I'm really sorry."

Sirius nodded. He knew what Hagrid was trying to say.

"Keep him safe."

"I will," said the half-giant vehemently.

Hagrid didn't try to stop him as he turned around again. And Sirius was glad he hadn't. For then he would have seen the look of murderous intent in his eyes. There were only so many places Peter could hide. And once he was through with the traitor, not even St. Mungo's best Healers would be able to piece him back together.

* * *

Peter Pettigrew looked up and down the street nervously. He'd looked over his shoulders five times since coming out of the alleyway he had Apparated into and he'd barely taken ten steps out of it. The morning was well and truly underway and the streets of London were packed with muggles. He stumbled as someone bumped into him from behind, not even stopping to apologise in their rush to get to wherever it was they were going. Peter pulled his cloak tighter around himself and kept his head down. It wasn't as if he needed to draw more attention to himself. Running across the road as fast as his short legs could carry him, ignoring the blaring horns directed at him from the metal monstrosities that the muggles favoured for travel, Peter stopped in front of the entryway up to Emily's apartment.

Proceeding cautiously up the stairs, his wand drawn in his left hand, the squat man struggled to keep his breathing even. He wished he had some Felix Felicis on him at the moment. He certainly needed it. Sirius Black was not a man who would go down quietly, especially not in his own home. Cradling his heavily bandaged right hand close to his chest, Peter paused before a door on the third floor, took a shuddering breath and knocked – two short knocks, one, and then two again. He could hear shuffling from behind the door before the clinking of the security chain being removed reached his ears and the door swung open. His left arm swung up, wand jabbing sharply into a thin, white throat – startling blue eyes widened in shock.

It was obvious that the woman before him had been crying. Her dark hair was tied up in a messy bun, her feet were bare and her tiny frame was drowning in an over-sized sweater. She looked paler than she usually did, and the blue of her irises stood out starkly against her red-rimmed eyes. Peter could see her chest rising and falling violently, and for the briefest of moments felt his resolve waver. But then the pain emanating from his right hand reminded him of what he had to do.

"Where's Sirius?" Peter demanded, forcing Emily back into her apartment, kicking the door shut behind him. She remained silent, eyes narrowed and condemning. "Don't make me hurt you, Em."

Emily glared at him. Somehow, as bedraggled as her appearance was, she still managed to look magnificently indomitable, even with bloodshot eyes. It was easy to see why Sirius had fallen in love with her. Peter swallowed nervously.

"I don't want to hurt you, Em."

That got a reaction. Emily growled.

"Well, that's comforting!"

"Just tell me where Sirius is."

"Why? So you can kill him? Like you killed Lily and James? And Harry? He was only a baby!"

Emily made to move towards him, but the sudden increase of pressure of Peter's wand on her neck reminded her that he was arm whereas she was not. Her accusing gaze held his unwaveringly, and Peter had to shake off the ridiculous thought that she could actually see him. Back ramrod straight, she faced her attacker without fear.

"Remus called. He told me what had happened. He wanted to know where Sirius was too. Wanted to know if he was all right, because he was their Secret Keeper. Voldemort should never have found them."

Peter could feel the sweat gathering under his arms and on his palms. He tightened his grip on his wand.

"But you and I know the truth. Don't we?" Her face twisted into an ugly, vicious snarl. "Was it worth it?"

Peter resisted the urge to turn away. Why was he afraid of a blind woman? And a muggle at that! Still, he didn't like the way Emily was looking at him. Emily who was always so gentle, who always laughed at his jokes when no one else did, who could make the sun shine just by smiling at him. He wanted _that_ Emily back. He had to make her understand.

"I had no choice, Em. You don't understand how powerful he is. He would have killed me! I had to do it! I had no choice!"

"Then you should have let him kill you!" Emily spat. "They were your friends!" And then an emotion worse than anger replaced the look in her eyes – disappointment. "We would have helped you. You were safe in the house Dumbledore set up for you. The Order would have protected you."

"No one's safe from the Dark Lord. Em – "

"DON'T CALL ME THAT! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!"

Peter winced, his right arm dropping to hang limply by his side. The bandage was stained a reddish-brown now. The flow of blood had obviously not stopped. Peter suddenly felt very tired. He needed to find Sirius. He needed to deal with the other Marauder before anyone else found out who James and Lily's Secret Keeper really was. He had thought for certain that the other wizard would have returned to Emily's apartment to check on her once he realised what had happened. He couldn't simply wait here. Sirius might be reporting back to the Order that very minute.

"I'm going to ask you one more time, Em. Where is Sirius?"

The young woman clenched her fists, pressing her lips tightly together. Peter frown, pressing his wand harder into her neck. Why did she have to be so stubborn? Maybe a spell…

"_Imper_ – "

But she had moved before he could finish casting the curse. She was surprisingly fast. Or perhaps just lucky. She hadn't tried to avoid the spell either, throwing herself at the small wizard and knocking his wand out of his hand in the process.

Peter brought his hands up to shield his face as Emily lashed out savagely. Her nails caught him across the cheek, and though as a musician she kept them neatly trimmed, they were still long enough to leave red welts on his skin. Her closed fist smashed into his right ear with enough force to cause a ringing in his head. He grabbed at her arms in an attempt to subdue her. Her leg shot out in retaliation, getting tangled between his and causing the both of them to topple onto the floor. Emily cried out as she landed on her shoulder.

As Peter tried to extricate himself from her, he noticed how Emily's eyes darted all around the room, her brow furrowed in what looked to be concentration instead of pain. The realisation of what she was doing hit him like a Shock Spell. She was using her sense of hearing to determine his movements and location in the room. As she reached out for him, just barely missing by an inch or two, Peter scrambled to retrieve his wand with renewed determination. Emily may have been blind and a muggle, but Peter knew she could be dangerous in her own way. He was sure that she would have no qualms about scratching his eyes out once she got her hands on him. Spotting his wand under the recliner, Peter closed his hands around it just as Emily had grabbed a hold of the back of his robe.

"_Stupefy!_" Peter yelled desperately.

A look of surprise flashed across Emily's face as the Stunner struck her in the chest. Perhaps it was because she was so slight. Or maybe Peter had cast the spell with more force than he had intended to. Either way, the spell was strong enough to knock Emily off her feet, sending her flying across the room. She slammed into the bookshelf. A sickeningly loud crack echoed through the apartment. Peter watched in horror as Emily crumpled face down onto the floor.

"Em?"

She wasn't moving. A feeling of dread washed over the traitorous wizard. Peter slowly approached Emily's prone body.

"Em?"

Bending down next to her, Peter reached out to turn Emily over when he suddenly stopped short, staring in horror at the back of her head. It didn't look right. Even against her dark hair, he could see the blood seeping through. So much blood. His stomach heaved. Shakily, he aimed his wand at her wound.

"_Episkey!_"

Nothing happened.

"_Episkey! __**Episkey!**_ Damn it! _**EPISKEY!**_"

Peter scurried backwards, placing as much distance between him and Emily's body as possible. This wasn't supposed to happen. Sirius was going to kill him…Sirius was…Emily wasn't…Peter shook his head. He couldn't stay. He had enough sense to know that. If Sirius found out…He wouldn't stand a chance.

Getting unsteadily to his feet, Peter hurried out the door.

* * *

Sirius popped the collar of his jacket and pulled it tighter around his throat. He had Apparated back to Peter's cottage, turning the place upside down in an attempt to find any sort of clue that might tell him where the traitor had gone. It had been a frustrating and fruitless endeavour. He would need to report back to the Order soon. But first he had to get Emily. He didn't want her to find out about James, Lily and Harry without him there to comfort her, and it had occurred to him that her apartment was, in all likelihood, no longer a safe place. Even with all the protective and anti-Apparation charms on the apartment and building itself.

The dark haired wizard waited impatiently at the crossing for the light to turn green. He would bring Emily to Dumbledore. There was nowhere else that was safer now. Despite the rumours that had reached his ears of Voldemort having been defeated, that for some reason failing to kill young Harry had been his undoing, Sirius wasn't about to take the chance. Not when Peter was still on the loose.

Turning the corner, Sirius was barely six feet from the entrance of Emily's apartment when a familiar looking man exited the building in a rush. His heart stopped cold. He'd recognise that rat-like face anywhere.

"PETTIGREW!"

Peter's head snapped around at the sound of Sirius' voice, eyes wide in terror. The look in the other man's eyes promised pain and death. Peter turned and ran. Sirius roared in fury and gave chase.

The smaller wizard never made it very far. There were enough muggles on the street to obstruct his escape route and Sirius' bigger strides covered the distance almost effortlessly. Peter was about to transfigure into his Animagus form when Sirius' hand clamped down on the back of his neck.

"Sirius! Please!"

Sirius spun him around and Peter gasped as he found his air supply quickly being cut off by Sirius' hand around his throat. His wand was pointed menacingly at Peter's left eye. The man whimpered.

"I should kill you right now." Sirius voice was cold and literally dripped acid. "We trusted you."

"Please…Sirius…I didn't mean to. I swear! It was an accident!"

"You'll have me believe that James and Lily's murders were an bloody _accident_?"

"James?" Peter echoed dumbly. A look of recognition dawned. "Yes, James. And Lily. You don't understand, Sirius! I had no choice!"

Sirius growled, the tip of his wand digging into the flesh just below Peter's eye. They were starting to draw the attention of the muggles around them. Some shot the pair curious looks but continued walking down the street. Others actually stopped to watch merely feet away. His eyes narrowed suspiciously as Peter's first pleas properly registered with him.

"What was an accident, Wormtail?" asked Sirius, his voice barely above a whisper yet dangerously threatening nonetheless.

Peter moaned, a frightened keening sound that drew even more stares.

"I didn't mean to! I didn't mean to!"

Sirius shook him violently. Peter cried out louder.

"It was an accident! I would never hurt her!"

Sirius froze. _Her?_ A tight knot of unease formed in the pit of his stomach.

"What did you do?"

Peter blubbered incoherently. Sirius looked at him in disgust. He really was a sorry excuse for a human being. How had he not seen this earlier? Sirius turned to head back to Emily's apartment, dragging a struggling Peter behind him.

The other wizard was panicking. Sirius was going to kill him. He was going to die. He didn't want to die. His survival instinct kicking in, Peter withdrew his wand that Sirius had neglected to take from him. The only thing left to do was fall back on his original plan, on what he had intended to do when he'd first gone to Emily's home.

"YOU'RE A TRAITOR, SIRIUS BLACK!" Peter yelled, loud enough for the entire street to hear. It was enough to cause said wizard to stop in his tracks, glaring darkly at him. Peter carried on before Sirius could say a word. "LILY AND JAMES, SIRIUS! HOW COULD YOU? AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME TOO, AREN'T YOU! YOU MURDERER!"

The muggles were gaping at them. Sirius had had enough. With an animalistic roar, Sirius whipped his wand to point straight at Peter's heart. But he never got the chance to utter a spell. A sudden blast exploded and Peter was no longer there. Neither were half the street and the muggles that had been standing around them. Sirius found himself flat on his back, looking up at a deceptively clear sky.

Screaming erupted as people ran for safety, bowling others over in their panic. Sirius pushed himself up, watching the entire scene unfold, numbly. A high-pitched ringing faded in and out in his ears. He cast his eyes about; looking for the last spot he had seen Peter standing in. They landed on a bloody pile of robes. But where was the body?

And then it dawned on him what Peter had done. And he couldn't stop himself. The laughter poured forth from his lips unbidden – bitter and hateful. A series of loud pops alerted Sirius to the fact that he was no longer alone. The newcomers looked like they had been sent by the Ministry. He recognised the uniform robes as being that of the Magical Enforcement Squad.

"There!" one of them shouted.

Hurriedly getting to his feet, Sirius ran back towards Emily's apartment. He did not turn to see if they were coming after him. A flash of red zipping past his ear was enough of an answer. Barrelling through the entrance of the building, Sirius took the steps two at a time until he reached the third floor. There were no wards on the door, nor was it locked.

It was almost as if Sirius had no control over his body. Part of him didn't want to enter the apartment for fear of what he might find inside. But his feet led him forward. His eyes found her immediately. He couldn't breathe. It felt like he was falling – falling off the top of the Astronomy tower back at Hogwarts – and he was never going to stop. She looked so fragile, lying broken on the floor. Her hair formed a dark halo around her head. It almost looked as if she were sleeping.

Sirius found himself by her side without remembering how he got there. Carefully picking her up into his arms, he brushed the hair away from her face, stomach twisting as his hand came away sticky and red. He didn't know how long he sat there, cradling her in his arms. It felt like mere seconds and a thousand lifetimes at the same time. He didn't notice the entrance of the Magical Enforcement Squad. He didn't hear their yelled orders. It was only when one of them tried to remove her from him, did the wizard spring to life, growling menacingly. In the end, it took twenty of them to detain him, and even then, Sirius walked out of the building carrying her in his arms.

* * *

_**July 1993…**_

Located on a tiny island in the North Sea, Azkaban Fortress was renowned for driving its inmates mad. It had no real need for walls or water to keep its inhabitants in, not when the wizarding prison was patrolled by Dementors who kept the prisoners trapped within their own minds. Wails of despair and nonsensical mumblings were the prison's daily soundtrack, many wishing they were dead, just so they could end the torture.

Yet in a dank cell in the eastern wing of the fortress, soft humming drifted through the iron bars instead. They'd said he was already mad before Azkaban – a mass murderer who did not distinguish between wizard and muggle, a man whom had betrayed his closest friends and killed the woman who loved him.

Cornelius Fudge was not looking forward to visiting this particular cell. He could still remember the day they arrested Sirius Black. The man's maniacal laughter haunted him in his sleep. And that muggle girl…

The apartment had shown signs that the two of them were living there together. There were numerous pictures of the couple with the Potters and Longbottoms. In every single one, they looked madly and deeply in love with each other. But then again, looks could be deceiving. Fudge could not understand why Black had killed her, especially in the manner in which he had. The back of her head had been smashed in and there were no obvious signs of magic on her body. It was a brutal and violent death. When they had finally caught up to Black, it was to find him covered in her blood.

Fudge twisted his rolled up copy of the Daily Prophet, the action doing nothing to calm him down. It did not help matters that his Dementor guide was hovering only a few feet away, sucking up any feeling of happiness the man had. He took a deep breath – time to get it over with.

The wizard inside the cell had obviously once been quite handsome. But the years in Azkaban had not been kind. Matted black hair hung in a filthy mess down to his elbows and he had loss enough weight to resemble a corpse more than a living human being. If it weren't for the humming, Fudge could almost swear the man was dead. He sat unmoving in one corner of the small cell.

"Open it," the Minister of Magic order, his voice not as commanding as he would have liked it to be.

The humming faltered to a stop as the Dementor glided into the cell. Black did not acknowledge the Minister's presence, his dark curtain of hair hiding his eyes from view.

"Still alive, Black?" Fudge questioned, schooling his features into one of disgust instead of unease. "Pity. You may have escaped the Kiss but I'll get the Wizengamot to change their mind sooner or later. So enjoy this while you still can."

There was no reaction from the man. It unnerved Fudge who unrolled and re-rolled his newspaper agitatedly. Well, if Black was going to remain silent then Fudge was going to leave. He had more prisoners to see and had done his duty in making sure that Black was alive and well – more or less. Fudge hated these visits to Azkaban. He waved the Dementor ahead of him and the creature glided out reluctantly. He was just turning to leave himself when a deep, gravely voice stopped him.

"Are you done with that?" Fudge stared wide-eyed at the other wizard. A bony figure pointed at the newspaper in his hands. He looked down to see a large wizard family smiling and waving up at him from the front page. Deciding that Black wasn't about to break out of Azkaban any time soon using his copy of the Daily Prophet, Fudge tossed the paper at the convict's feet. Black's voice followed him out the cell doors, anything but respectful. "Thanks."

Sirius was humming again – Hadyn's Cello Concerto in D. It was one of the few things that kept him sane these days. And it reminded him of Emily.

_Emily_. He missed her. They hadn't let him keep any of her things. They took her locket, the one he had given her so many Christmases ago. And they took her ring. More than anything, Sirius had wanted to keep hold of that. They were supposed to be married. They were supposed to have little baby Emilys and Siriuses. They were supposed to spend the rest of their lives together. She had been so afraid of him leaving her before and he couldn't even stop her from leaving him. Peter had taken _everything_ away from him.

All he had left was Harry. Little Harry Potter whom Emily had loved as her own and was turning thirteen that month.

"…_Ronald Weasley, youngest son of Arthur and Molly Weasley, will be returning in September for his third year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry…"_

On the boy's shoulder sat a familiar looking rat, a rat that was missing a toe on his right front paw. The corners of Sirius' lips pulled back into a frightening grin. Twelve years; Peter had managed to stay hidden for twelve years. But he knew where the traitorous rat was now and a Marauder reunion was long overdue.

Sirius' humming continued to drift through the bars of his cell, sounding lighter than it had been before. The tune caused his fellow inmates to shiver. If they hadn't known any better, they would have sworn that he sounded almost cheerful.

* * *

"_Let the world be done with me"

* * *

_

**We all knew it was coming. But I'm going to miss Emily all the same. This story has been my little pet project for a long time now and I'm actually quite proud that it's finally done.**

**Thanks again to everyone who stuck with me through this epic one-shot that became a seven chaptered, 52 paged monster. You have no idea how happy you guys have made me.**

**The last quote is the second part of the phrase that makes up the title of this story and, incidentally, the last line of the song that I originally mentioned in the first chapter, "If I Can't Love Her" from the Broadway version of 'Beauty and the Beast'. Do have a listen if you haven't already done so.**

**This isn't the first and certainly won't be the last time I play in the Harry Potter sandbox. I'll see you all again soon.**

**With love,**

**Scribbles**


End file.
